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issue number one - September, 2000

Nonduality Salon Magazine

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Chuck's Corner
Chuck Hillig


Dear Chuck,

When you say that we are already "It," that we are only pretending to be separate, why do you suppose that we keep on believing this illusion? People I've talked to complain they are still guided by their personal fears and hopes. They say that life is not that easy. I'm wondering if you aren't simplifying this whole enlightenment issue a little too much?

Fredrick H. (Lompoc)

~ ~ ~

Dear Fredrick,

Well, in Truth, there really is no "we" or "they" out there at all. There is only "It"...the Pure Consciousness of Self. Asking this seemingly innocent question ("Why do we keep on believing this illusion?") distracts you from seeing this Truth. How? Because the question makes two basic assumptions: 1) that there really is a collective "we/they" out there and that 2) these so-called "others" are all believing in some illusion. This question is phrased in a way that invites you to focus on the "why-are-they-believing-this" before it's ever been proven that there really are any actual "others" out there to be believing anything at all! You see, if there are no separate "others" to begin with, then addressing the "why" part of this question becomes completely irrelevant. Things are just as they are.

Consciousness cannot be over-simplified. In fact, It is simplicity, Itself. The indivisible Consciousness can only manifest the illusory world of polarities by pretending to be divisible. And then...It plays!

_______________________________________________


Dear Chuck,

How can I deal with my co-dependency? Every time I get into a relationship with a man, I feel like doing everything for him. The problem is that I lose myself and get overwhelmed in the bargain. Then, as has happened in the past, we split apart and I feel used. I just started a new relationship and I can already feel myself returning to the old pattern. How do I care for the other person without overdoing it? Help!

B. L. (near Santa Barbara)

~ ~ ~

Dear B.L.,

Acting like a Rescuer (and both sexes do this) comes at a very high cost because it discounts both parties. The Rescuer is discounted through her unconscious fear that just being herself is not good enough to sustain her part
of the relationship. She believes that the only way that this other person would want to hang around "the-likes-of-her" would be if she provides a necessary and valued service. Since the Rescuer has an absolute need to be needed by the Other, this dynamic often plays out by her becoming overly involved in the other person's life and concerns. In this fear-based dynamic, however, the Other person is also being discounted. How? Well, the unspoken assumption here is that the so-called "victim" is incapable of handling his own problems without the "loving" guidance and support of the Rescuer. The catch, though, is that the Rescuer's disowned fear of personal inadequacy is only being projected. But, since people help people all the time, how can you tell the difference? Well, a legitimate rescue has absolutely NO strings attached to it. None! It
comes from the love of being and sharing who you are and not from having a desperate need to be loved and valued by doing any unnecessary care-taking of the Other. In truth, you cannot fully love something that you need.

_______________________________________________


Quote of the Month: "We don't see others as they are. We see others as we are." Author Unknown

Chuck Hillig, a devotee of Eastern Philosophy, works in Ojai and Ventura as a state licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He is also a member of Mensa. You can contact Chuck by writing to: Chuck's Corner, Box #1068, Ojai, CA 93024, call him directly at (805) 640-8825, e-mail: [email protected] or go to his Website:
www.blackdotpubs.com

The above was reprinted with permission. It originally appeared in Information Press
www.informationpress.net

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