Awakening to the Dream
The Gift of Lucid Living.
"This book will be of great assistance to the seeming many." Sailor Bob Adamson
The Texture of Being"We do not need to search in order to find our true Being. We already are it, and the mind which searches for it is the very reason why we cannot find it."
by Roy Whenary
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The Ubertyrant and the Net
These writings are reproduced with permission of the author. This edited version Copyright © 1998 by Carlos Dwa. All rights reserved. No portion of this text may be copied without expressed permission of the copyright owner.
Magnetic Blood | In the Hearth: Shamesh, Salock in the Heart
eating out of his own
is communing with
the enlightened idiot
and is besotted
with the psychopathism
that arose from his stifled hysteria
did not recognize him for what
he thinks he is.
Looking into the eyes
the woman could not help but secretly wonder
if their anscestors had consumed
Delighted by his insights
he remembered what the brujo said,
"Cats lick their own shit,
and dogs eat it."
Could his approach have been
all this time?
Could it have been any more wrong?
His master always thought
more of him than he did himself
-but never took
...As he did himself.
The master had had far too much
respect for him
than to allow such death
to enter in.
And out of this respect
the master lived
as if he had never known
to keep the
life of life alive,
...should that one
ever bring from his
tomb, a someone
worthy of kindling...
The Ubertyrant and the Net
The net represents a potential for constriction
heretofore unavailable to the common man.
You have a tyrant in your head.
I am well aware that there are many people who write
and read in this forum who couldn't imagine
that it is a real consideration whether or not to write
here. Especially if a few people indicate that they are
interested -(let's say curious) as to what you will write next.
There is a cost however -and it can be a great cost.
The relationship -the dynamic of a person who is
intensely involved with a newsgroup such as this
is not typically conducive to,
let's call it, "stepping through" one's self,
or...let's call it coming to rest before a moment.
or...let's call it being present to your life.
Let's call it allowing things to be themselves.
Let's call it disassociation from the tyrant.
Let's call it ripping a breathing space in an asphyxial
whorling magnetic cocoon and sticking your head
let's call it look.
...or stop, or hush, or shhhhhhh.
Fact is you don't have much chance here.
Despite my rudeness, despite my refusal to
use new age terminology and my insistence
that people discussing the niceties of various
"esoteric" ideas are deluded. -despite my insistence that
people who talk about the supreme importance
of love, faith, hope etc. are nothing more
than scoundrels -no matter how sincere they are.
Despite all this some of you find yourself
entertained or amused or intrigued by my
The reason for this is because you already know
this stuff yourself. It is an understanding you
have that borders on the instinctive. I just give you
words -sometimes merely new words -
a different angle on something you already "know"
-if not yet formulated in words -intrinsically.
This is not a theory. Some people can roll their
tongue, some can wiggle their ears, some can
design integrated circuitry in their heads,
some can become conscious in an extraordinary
Lacking this or not yet able to avail themselves of it,
a person would think that there is magic in this area,
they think that religious notions have something to
do with it.
Not even understanding algebra
-if the same person wanted to learn
an advanced form of mathematics,
would they think the most efficient way to do it
would be to sit and dream about what they think it is?
Perhaps feeling love toward calculus would
give them a practical working knowledge of
it's applications without any further to do about it.
You either have the capacity to delve into the
intricacies of higher math or you don't.
And if you do, you either study it
and come to a practical understanding of it or you don't.
While this peculiar area of possibility is
not entirely analogous and all verbal
references always present
their own particular variety of insidious
peccadilloes -it is not entirely unparalleled
by this comparison to more seemingly practical matters.
In a sense you already know what to do
-and in this sphere knowing what is knowing how.
But you will not do it. Why should you?
You think there is a reason to do it?
You actually think there is a reason to?
Then why don't you?
Welcome to the net.
Your own personal ubertyrant.
In Dwaspk -ubertyrant
is a dynamic that occurs
when the internal subjective
strawman that you set up to
does in fact assume the dominant "subjective charge".
I won't go into the niceties of
however I assure you the regular
tyrant -(your thoughts/emotions) which you think
you are, is constrictive enough as it is
without this additional complication.
This same phenomena would be evident
-for instance -in the waking "internal considerings"
in a group -where -knowing
nothing -one semiconscious being
would demand a verbal formulation
of another to describe their own subjective
experiencing during a "work effort",
so that they may be compared to a
As I have said before -this is the
high security area of the prison everybody is
How then will you step through yourself
when you are continually stepping in yourself?
You would have to learn how to do a 180
degree turn and not end up going in the opposite
direction you are now pointed in, -(the direction
of increased ubertyrant funding in the name
of increased consciousness).
Freedom from an infinite regression
is not found in
an infinite regression in
an opposing direction.
First the quickening,
then the plicaning,
then the quickening,
(c) 1996 Carlos Dwa
ps I do believe that to plican is to
fold a material in a fanlike manner,
but I do also think that it can be
used to refer to the type of folding
that occurs during the forging of
a fine sword or during the
growth of a fine neocortex.. Of course
your dictionary may not agree with me.
Actual mileage may vary.
How do we attain permanence?
Realize that you exist -and are alive here on earth in the
-with valiant effort and recurring inextinguishable
intent -and with all the attention and intensity
and endurance of which you are capable.
Not like somebody doing grunt work
but with quickness and almost
predatory opportunism -aliveness -and passion
200 hundred times in one day -each time
anew and not just a thought or fantasy -actually count them,
(clusters count as one attempt)
and I guarantee that if you do not find permanence
you will at least learn it's address.
How do we even attain a glimpse when self remembering is so far
from the REAL I?
This is not a question. It is a statement.
I guess we could argue about words.
You can say, "REAL I" is greater than self remembering."
Then I say, "Hold on thar partner. You can't
talk about self remembering like that. Why self remembering
made it possible for me to buy this ranch and just
look at that spread of consciousness laid out before
us like a vast sea of amber grain just a wavin' in the
autumn sun -beneath the majesty of them thar
purple mountains An them mountains got
hearts a' gold and they's got snowcovered volcanic peaks
don't ya realize that's a metaphor for flames of ice
which is itself an allegorical image which symbolizes
the primal flame of cellular metabolism fueling
the passions of the heart -represented by that steam
arisen there which has carved those
beautiful fluted crevasses in the ice which represents
the organic nature yet potentially glacial objectivity of the
Then you can say, "Now no offense to yer ranch
and purple mountains an all Marlin. But look
"REAL I" has all capital letters."
How many years must go by before we honestly confess that the
4th Way just isn't working!
There is no 4th way aside from the people who
think they are involved with it. Even if these
people are growing in awareness -it still
couldn't be said that the 4th way works
Only people work.
Where are all the "conscious beings" produced by the 4th Way?
Conscious beings are not produced by ways
but emerge in spite of them.
Where are the perfected humans who have patiently walked down
the 4th Way?
Where is there one imperfect human?
In imperfection lies the potential for further growth
in their potential for growth humans are perfectly
what they are therefore in their imperfection
they are most perfect.
See what can happen when you reason from
artificial conceptual constructs such as perfect
and 4th way. All you say becomes mere
sophistry and propaganda.
A man with the aim to be conscious
cannot afford to entertain such an
arms length relation to his life for long.
Forget the 4th way.
Forget what It's called -
but there is no consciousness without
How many more people will live their lives in this pursuit only
to die with the horrible realization that they were merely pacifying
themselves with their self remembering and their faith?
Here's a tip on how to avoid this.
Be something so sweet and lucid
that you wouldn't care if you died at that moment.
"Self remembering" as you call it demands
not faith but inquiry, skepticism (not cynicism)
and impassioned dispassionate immediacy.
Each of us is on the road to death! To forget this is to be pacified,
If you forget you are alive (I am here now -without thought)
everything is fantasy. All your thoughts about death
are fantasy. Their only value can lie in motivating
you to remember to be present to your life.
PS Once upon a time a king set a reward
of one thousand concubines to be
given to any man who could tell him
the secret of immortality.
After many disappointments
and much head chopping a
fierce and wild looking man
appeared at court one day.
He approached the throne
with a sort of erratic gait
that set the guards -well
He said "I know you
are searching for immortality
and I can't give you that
but I can give you something as
"And what would that be?"
asked the king.
"Yes -information about the location
of death. You know what they say
Know thy enemy and all that."
The king gestured for him to proceed
"I have searched the world for death
and I am happy to report that
it is nowhere to be found."
"What!" bellowed the king.
"What nonsense is this?", he said
as he gestured for his headchopper.
The man's eye's went wide
and he croaked -not without
a tinge of panic -, "I have another
one. I have another one."
"Yes -ah -more information
on your enemy."
"Ok, let's hear it", -spit
the king -not without some
if not at the mans tenacity
at least because of the dire
pressure of the situation.
It was indeed good to be king
he passingly mused -
Especially with some crazy
fuck like me on the throne.
"Ok, ok, said the man
here's the situation
-we have prelife
which is before your born
-then life -then aaaa
-not death like everyone thinks
It's just like before your born
only a little later."
"Cut off his head."
-said the king quite neutrally.
"Wait wait -ok
-I can see you are a man not to
be trifled with," said the wanderer
as the axeman so rudely grabbed
him by the scruff.
"'ll give the real secret."
"Be quick then", said the king.
"Ok ok -ahhhh -well
you have no doubt heard of the genetic
code? Well what does it consist of
huh? Nothing but a couple of base codes
and a few billion sequences huh
Compare these paltry magnitudes
against the infinite vastness of all
future time. I'm not saying it won't
take a while but sooner or later
just by chance your code is bound
to be duplicated again. I mean
the population is increasing all the time
and you yourself have many offspring.
Damn it's virtually a sure thing
couple of hundred thousand years
or so -you'll be back.
And you won't even realize any time
has passed. Your life will be blinking
on and off across the eons like a firefly
for all eternity.
Don't look on it as death at all.
It's more like you just get disorganized for a while."
The king looked perplexed
-but bemused. Finally after
some kingly grimacing he said,
with a hint of exasperation.
"Jesus...alright, give him a concubine
and throw him out."
As the vagabond hurriedly
ushered his prize from the
hall he was heard to say to her
"Did you see that? That fucker
almost killed me!
...obviously never heard of
...good thing too.
Isn't that just perfect?
I mean I told the idiot the truth in the first place."
(c) 1996 Carlos Dwa
The Official GOD of Ultimate Reality!!! -(playing to the crowd)
By your sight you are blinded.
By your speech you are made deaf.
You think there is an actual Truth,
and an official God.
By your wise pronouncements
you assume the role of
Too numb to become
aware of your terror,
you take your numbness for love.
You think that there is an
something to reality
-lacking the vivifyingness of being
to even plumb the depths
of apparent superficiality.
Your are a victim of the
Indo-Aryan myth of the great sky-god.
You speak of Brahman
yet you are not even a diminutive shaman,
nor do you have one's address.
With you everything is "the subject of".
If you truly were awakened
you would never speak in threadbare terms.
You would sooner cut your tongue out
than spew the party lines
of the priests, yogis, brahmins, rabbis, enlightened sages
preachers, mystics, saints, or any damn one.
You would have an understanding
unique and fresh
that could not be done a shadow
by the words of others.
You would teeter on the edge of gibberish
as you tried to express your own
You would see the collected spiritual
and philosophical works of all ages
for what they are -
a monument to the impoverishment
of the human spirit.
-A wry gambit for dominance
in the human wolf pack.
Love love love
he seemed to be a dove.
But don't turn your back
cause' he'll stab you in the crack.
And not with a dick -swarming with creative energies,
but with a dirk with profoundly engraved
mystical symbols of love and surrender.
If you know Anything,
you have something New to say,
some new discovery to indicate.
Which is not to say it had never been discovered by others,
but your expression of it would be as unique as a snowflake.
And you wouldn't need to be certified
by a church or council,
or any damn guru or anyone,
because it would be a living part
of your being that you had discovered.
(You would not come back for India with a note form your guru.)
Once in a while, here and there
will be someone who can hear this.
Someone who will be immediately be
energized or transformed by coming in touch
with what is being indicated.
And they will experience this "energy"
some may call it ecstasy -a real down and
dirty physical energy -real enough to touch.
Then eventually, their habitual functioning will
once again take over and they will loose it.
It may last only hours. It may last days.
But if there is really anything to them
they will do whatever it takes to regain what
they have tasted. To be able to engender it in
It will feel like they have come home.
A real teacher is not in competition for followers.
Followers are a burden.
He or she has their own explorations and
inner endeavors to attend to,
and to give energy to another
or a group is a costly thing.
A real teacher will attempt from the
very start to free the seeker
from himself and any imagined system.
He will destroy any system of conclusions
and concepts that they try to establish
from their association with him.
He/she is not obligated in the least
to take anyone on as a student,
no matter their apparent sincerity.
He/she would just as well leave you to
your fantasies - Life as yet has little
need for conscious persons, and they tend
to cause problems to the homeostasis of the system.
Oh yes - Christians, Jews, Moslems, Hindus
good - how very good for you.
-well done -overdone in fact.
You are not victims of a cruel hoax
You are adherents of the Truth
- the real one.
Now if you could just surrender your heart and will,
to the true dominator,
the God of
militarist dominator culture.
God, Jahova, Yehway, Brahman, Bhrama,
the Void, Reality, Shiva, Christ, Vishnu,
Krishna, Mohammed, Ultimate Reality, The Truth,
The Yankees, Financial Security, Superior Weaponry,
Capitalism, Democracy, National security, Family,
Health, Transcendent Religious Truth, Death
But it just feels so right to surrender to Him.
Sure, the only way a slave can truly relax
is to be enslaved.
You have been bred to feel this
by countless generations of dominators
and would-be dominators, from Priest/kings
to CEOs....Relax ...surrender.
Here, have a beer, maybe a little toke, a religious
cocktail, some TV, a little Internet
-pretend to be something your not.
Who knows...maybe you can fool
somebody else beside yourself.
Maybe what you write will become meaningful to you
because you will be able to imagine
that it is meaningful to others.
The preceding is all nonsense
-unless for you it's not.
And if it's not,
you damn well better realize
that any window of opportunity
is only a transient anomaly,
and that the institutions, and schools,
and systems, and religions, always
come later, when the real is gone
- solid gone.
Got a bulldog in my Learjet
Gonna teach him how to fly
'Cause I'm gone
gone, gone, gone,
- solid gone
-The Steve Miller Band
(before they got popular and sucked)
(c) 1999 by Carlos Dwa NAL
If the yam fits - walk a mile in it.
Once upon a time a wannabe upstart dominator (I mean guru),
was walking down the road. Lost in the infinitely regressive self-
reflections that he held forth to himself as the profound,
while simultaneously entertaining fantasies about how impressed his
imagined fawning followers would be when he reported
them to them, -
which he would, just as soon as he could.
When all of a sudden, he was passed by a jalopy
of indiscernible manufacture that made, what seemed to him,
unseemly and rude noises, but were actually just the sound
of the tires on the highway. He glared menacingly at the auto.
And as it rode by, the driver shot him a moon.
Which the would-be dominator, I mean guru, inexplicably
took to be the driver giving him the finger.
He was so incised by this that he tripped over
his own yams and sprawled onto the wayside gravel.
He quickly pretended that he intended to do this
as a lesson to the driver of the jalopy which was
by now out of sight. And he, exercising the full
measure of his cognitive powers, believed himself.
Which leads us to this, Grasshopper...
It is far better not to assume a dubious vehicle rolled over your dick,
than to mistake a moon for the finger.
(c) 1999 by Carlos Dwa NAL
Just to mention a few recognized processes that can lead to the new.
If one doesn't see anything new
they are not expanding into new neural territory.
No one can make the new but you,
through your own impartial creative seeing.
Be considered... without predilection or conclusion.
Better than this, find a way of seeing, that
shows you new aspects, because such
radical new looking can only be integral
with a different looker.
Then perhaps the looker and the seen
may become irrelevant and the looking itself
indicate a new direction of expansion
very unrelated to former conclusions
or habits of consciousness. Active looking creates.
Then, what is seen is seen for the first
time. The new abounds. Only in
association does it become derivative and
depleted. Thus the impossibility
of actually directly telling another
about something new, in the realm of
the enhancement of consciousness,
without resort to metaphor and other such devices,
so that due to this intentional but
indicative vagueness, the hearer is
in effect allowed to discover what is
alluded to for themselves. Which
is the only way that it will be there
because it is the only way that their
being will be there.
I still intend to write about how it
is possible for two different
people to make the same statement
and why when one makes it, it can
be true and when another makes
it, it can be untrue.
I am not talking about statements such as
"I am enlightened," etc.
Rather, for example, something like, "There is no method,
or system or teaching that can lead to consciousness."
Perhaps someone can save me the trouble?
(c) 1999 by Carlos Dwa NAL
Ps: If your metabolic functioning evolves -your mind will tag along.
If you think there is spirit distinct and with only an ancillary
to your body. You are a dualist.
If you think there is a creator separate form creation,
You are a dualist.
If you think you have a mind that is independent of your
brain. You are a dualist.
If you think there is an "in here" and an "out there"...
If you think you are a nondualist but others are dualists
you should realize you are silly.
If you think. While you are thinking. You are a dualist.
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