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A BEING ABIDING from the electronic letters of

== Gene Poole==

Copyright 1998 ==Gene Poole==

THE PROSE (There is a lot here. Gene's writing is rich, often complex, always fresh.There is much autobiography, much on nonduality. Please take the time to scroll through and explore. This is where to enter into the pioneering nondual thought of Gene Poole.)

I am 50 years old, father of two, divorced, live in an 100 year old house, and drive an old car. I am a veteran of the US Army and a longtime USENET participant. I am retiring from my 25-year healing practice to write, enjoy, and do part-time Macintosh computer consulting.

I was living in Hawaii, on the Big Island, in the jungle of Puna, when the Goddess Pele revealed herself to me, as a living, very real Entity. The event was shocking to me to say the very least; it yanked the metaphorical rug out from under me. My practice is to keep myself off of that rug. I thank Goddess Pele for her compassionate intervention!

I have been a 'student' of Bubba/Da Free John since 1974, beginning with my viewing of a movie called 'A difficult Man', and subsequently hearing his album 'The Gorilla Sermon'. I thank Da for his outrageousness!

Two years ago, when I was 48, I was spoken to by ALL. If I had been harbouring doubts, skepticism, cynicism, this event exploded all of that into nothingness. Since then, I have been aware that I am. I thank ALL for compassionate intervention! I AM Loves and has humor.

I came to abiding through invitation. In 1974, I saw a movie entitled "A Difficult Man", which is about Bubba Free John. In this movie, he repeatedly pointed out the difficulties which a person creates by participating in the drama/dilemmas of so-called 'spiritual life'. He pointed out (and has continued to point out...his message has not changed much in essence) that reacting to, and attempting to 'fix', what is perceived to be 'wrong', is the diemma not only of the 'ordinary person', but of the spiritiual seeker, as well.

I have immense gratitude for Da Free and his simple message. It was he who first invited me to abide. It took many years, and many, many reminders, but I finally 'got' what he was talking about. It is not as simple as it may seem.

To abide is to tolerate. As I pointed out in my post/essay, one who decides to 'tolerate' is also admitting that tolerance is necessary...that there is something to tolerate, that one has difficulty abiding, that one is reactive, that one automatically moves to correct what is perceived to be out of adjustment. Admitting this to oneself is for some, difficult.

This activity of movement to correct, is in contrast to what we refer to as I AM, is it not?

May I say, that I AM is the Unchanging One, against whom all change is contrasted?

My thesis is that to "move to correct" (speaking here to describe an intensely personal, inner movement, common to everyone) is to completely miss noticing the Unchanging One, which is Self, or consciousness. To notice this Self as the Unchanging One, is to realize the essentially unchanging nature of consciousness. For me, this vivid contrast, the field of continual change which is always happening, against (read 'against' as similar to a movie projected 'against' a projection screen) the Unchanging One, is to realize that the unceasing changes are mere trivia, and that to give attention to the Unchanging One, rather than to the field of change, is possible.

To surrender to the impulse to "move to correct" is to give attention to the field of change, rather than to the Unchanging One. This is why I advocate abidance, and this is why I define abidance as tolerance, rather than acceptance.

I perceive that for many, the assumption that one 'should' be accepting of what is, is a deadly pitfall, which skips over the necessary step of the internal confession that one does indeed have a need to simply tolerate the noise, the impulse to move, which occurs so naturally in reaction to the field of continually changing conditions. This confession is simply a profound statement of one's nature as a Being, and opens the way for the possibility and opportunity to give attention to the Unchanging One, perhaps as Self.

I have used the analogy of the 'Self' as the Unchanging One as being similar to a white-hot anvil, and the trivia of changing conditions as being similar to a light rain falling upon that superheated block of metal. Changing conditions do not change the Self, yet they are known against the Self.

If I Am the Unchanging One, I Am that Self by which all change is known, yet I change not.

In these days of my life, I give attention to the Unchanging One, and suprise!, all things are resolved against this Self. As I recline upon the sands of the beach, I gaze at the surf which pounds unceasingly upon the rocky shoreline; I recognize the message of this interaction, that the unceasing play of changing conditions does not modify that which does not change, and that which does not change, creates by its existence, the circumstances for change to be noticed. That is contrast. That is consciousness. That is all.

The Universe always responds. I think that you understood that what I was saying/implying, in my brevity, is that if one 'thinks' that the 'way' is formulaic, that the response one receives, will be to have that formula disqualified via personal experience, as provided by the Universe as a response to the 'arrogance/ignorance' of the supposer.

The Universe is, in my opinion, 'like' a great womb; we 'experiencers' live within this great womb, until we have touched its farthest boundaries. At that time, we are 'reborn', yet it is into another womb, which seems to be 'infinite', but whose boundaries we will eventually touch, as well. Such is my experience of growth; I have come to be patient with my 'progress' within this process. { I write the above as affirmation of 'no-attainment'}

I have learned that the Universe truly loves me, and that I am provided with what I need.

I have learned that I need have no shame of my arrogance/ignorance; that the judgements made of me by people need not bother me (not that I am immune to feelings of reaction to such), and that it is indeed my suppositions, assumptions, and ambitions (not to mention fears and other lusts) which act as the basis for what the Universe gifts me with for my own good and growth. I have learned that I need not conform to any way or system of thought or Being; I have learned that there is nothing 'wrong' with my nature. Yet I know that I still do not love myself, as the Universe loves me. I patiently experience this 'vast play' and do the best I can as I am. I cannot deny my nature, neither can I preserve it. I am a living sacrifice to What Is (and may I say, that I am 'What Is'?). I see no other option, and seeing no other option, enjoy being continually 'ripped off', even of sacredness. I enjoy having my nose rubbed into the very highest and holiest 'stuff'; in this way I learn to discern the most subtle of smells, after having gotten a nosefull of the gross, which I assumed to be the subtlest. Such is the pain and joy of continual graduation!

{ I 'destroy' what is arbitrary; I 'kill the Buddha', as the saying goes. This is done by me, through the process of allowing to perish, that which is transitory, by the act of not-preserving. I see this as non-attachment 'in action'. Then, I have to contend with what is left-over. "The 'I AM'" is tottering on the brink of annihilation, as I write this. Fortunately, 'IT' has disappeared before, as I remember my experiences. All 'states' and 'realities' are available to me, yet I need not choose; these are all, states and realities, my tools and toys. I can use them or not; and in this I do choose. }

Yes, I am 'walking around inside of myself', _allowing_ myself to have the perception that 'this' (vast 'Disneyland') so-called reality is an emanation of me, of my 'Karma'. It is both beautiful and tragic, my heart fills and bleeds so...'this' is the 'isness' which I find left-over as a result of my rigorous, magnificently-disciplined, powerfully-intellected, gut-busting, hyper-sensitive 'search'. And I thus, now, have this 'reality', which in some nagging way, is telling me very gently, that I am responsible, that I may allow it 'all' to be what it is, if I can 'get off it', leave it alone. And at the same time, it beams love to me, that I do not have to 'get off it', that 'IT' tolerates me and loves me, that my search was not in vain, and that I am well taken-care of _in spite_ of my prior assumptions to the contrary. {Searching, I find the end of searching, rather than what I thought I was searching for}.

"The ocean is not destroyed by the struggles of the swimmer"

I guess that I find a vital value in having a daily conversation with those of the nondualist perspective, even if it is only in my mind, as I read this list. The nondual perspective is of great me...having struggled for many years to finally discover what it is and why it is worth talking about.

For the past 25 years or so, as I conducted my healing practice, I would periodically realize that what I offered to my clients was not only not enough, but that it was so far from what they actually needed, that I felt genuinely embarassed within myself. My clients, however, usually thrived, and sent their friends and relatives to me. It was apparent that they did not feel the same lack that I was feeling.

This question...of just what is it do people really need, what do they lack, why are they vulnerable to disease, why do they not thrive both in joy, and in adversity...this question has never left me. This question drove the evolution of my practice into deeper and more complex forms. I adapted and adopted what I found that could be of help...I became truely 'eclectic' in my approach. Still, I saw the disparity between what 'sufferers' wanted and what they needed. I did not know how to help them realize their needs.

In the early 'eighties I folded up my practice and moved to live in Hawaii. I had become too famous (locally) and had exhausted myself to the point of burnout. So I looked forward to a few years of relaxing in the tropical paradise of the Big Island. I took my tools (carpentry and mechanic and electronic) with me, as well as a small library of reference and spiritual books so that I could continue my studies and earn a living as well.

I chose to live in the jungle near the little town of Volcano. I rented a tiny house, and began quite spontaneously a practice of meditation which eventually extended to 4-6 hours per day. I thrived on this regimen, as well as the local free food (it grows everywhere).

I had known of the Polynesian spiritual path of 'Huna'. The word 'Kahuna' is bantered about in many contexts in common the phrase 'the big Kahuna' referring to a big boss or a store or a surfer or whatever. But I was totally unprepared to experience the reality of Huna firsthand, on a daily basis, for over a year of time.

I had assumed that Huna was restricted to the racial/social set of local/indiginous people, and that I was 'locked-out', and thus able to read a few books and sit around and wonder about it. But no, I discovered, I was informed, that Huna lives, and that it is a living reality, to me quite palpable, to a shocking degree. What I experienced took me far beyond what is offered in books, and far beyond what is offered in speech, as well. What happened was that I had a deep and personal experience, and encounter, with Goddess Pele.

Pele told me straight-away of dualism and nondualism, in her own language, which I understood with tooth-gritting clarity. She was angry and offered me a chance to get 'real'. She stated that I really had no live as a weak-minded, deluded know-nothing, or to simply focus on what she was and what she offered and upon her intention and the inevitability of Her Being. I could not deny what she was painful and very scary, but I made the choice to 'take the plunge', so to speak. I opened myself to Her...and she filled me beyond the point of bursting. I exploded into fragments, becoming a roaring beast of absolute primal nature! I was Pele's _pet_! I was SO-O-O-O-O angry, I was volcanic! And then, I 'got it'...I was the primal earth itself, all matter, all evolution, all time/space coordinates, all hunger, all all-consuming master of the realm of the physical! I reveled in it... I literally roared volcanically, and NOTHING appeared to challenge me. I was the undisputed KING of my realm! An unexpected, and totally mind-blowing event!

And I commited myself to memory. I was immediatly aware that this exalted state could not last...that I would burn myself out, so I needed to get what I was and bookmark it and prepare to search for and find this state for when it is needed. I was panting, hungry, and VERY grateful for my relationship and love for and fear of, Pele. I saw with astonishing clarity that there was much more to come, and that Pele had first placed me into the perspective of my body and the mind and awareness that IS my body, as a first step in roughly rebuilding me. Remember, I needed to know...the question had never left me...what my clients need, what I need, what is the missing element, absense of which confers confusion and vulnerability, I had never forgotten this need. And Pele had blasted everything away, giving me clear vision from and as my sacred my primal the "animal" that I am, truely, at the base of it, as long as I have physical existence.

Huna teachings state that the Human Being is a unified tripartate Being...a Being composed of three parts, acting as one...IF and only if, the human is 'whole". The path of Huna is the path to wholeness, and it can be a rough path, or a gentle path, but it leads to the manifestation of wholeness of Being which when not realized, produces suffering.

The first and original and basic 'part' of the human, is referred to as the 'low-self'. And it was this 'low-self' which I had become, as a gift of Pele. The 'low-self' is the foundation of the survival of the physical existing Being; 'it' ("me") knows everything about the physical knows what to eat, how to get it, how to live in any conditions, how to fight, how to 'do' the physical act of sexual reproduction. It is the undisputed master of Urth. And all such 'selves' are rank upon rank, under the guidance of Goddess Pele, the Spirit and essence of wholeness of Being. "My" low-self is my anchor in this apparent physical universe; 'it' ("me") keeps me 'here' in this place. It runs continual computations, effortlessly maintaining the time/space coordinates of the 'here and now', and it is the furnace and reactor which provides the energy for my physical Being. I learned that I should love and nurture 'it' ("me"). I have learned to NEVER disregard or underestimate or think disparging thoughts of "me", for to do so is to fragment myself through the act of divorcing myself from my own nature...

So it is in the Nondual perspective. Acceptance of oneself in one's whole state as what one is, all talents, all powers, all tendencies. Abiding as the Being that One Is, is the Nondual, it is ONE, and That One whole of Being, alltogether.

Do you know of the word 'parse'? The act of 'parsing' is to separate the 'wheat from the chaff', to understand and respect distinction, to know the difference. It is the telling of the true from the false, of the useful from the useless, of what edifies from what degrades. Wholeness is the parsing of nonself from self, leaving only self. That is the nondual perspecive. Buddha said, "No thing has self-nature". No thing is me, yet I am self-nature, so what am I? Self-nature ONLY. That is the nondual perspective. I am consciousness...and I am empty of self-nature (thud). I am wild and free, and I am here in this time and space to live and eat and drink and have sex, and to revel...under the guidance of Pele. She is the ultimate Mother, and I am her son, and her lover, and her husband, and I am living and I am mortal and I will die, and She loves me and mourns my death as She brings me to celebrate my life and the existence of all that is, for as long as it shall last.

Embedded in the above paragraph is the statement that I Am...that I am not only all of evolution, that I am the culmination and "reason" for all evolution, that I am the Only Being, that I am whole and that I Am One. I am nondual, I am the flash of the creation! I Am the One who sees all of this. I Am that which exists, and I AM that in which all existence is portrayed. I see the display of What Is and I AM invisible in that display, yet all of that display is my 'own' story. And I know that the apparent disunity of the world, portrayed so vividly in the display of my story, is the story of the beginning and the end, in an endless cycle of Being and existence and nonexistence. I AM the One who sees all of this, and it is What Is as I Am.

Yet there is OTHER. My Other (M'Other) is/has been Goddess Pele. So if there is other...there are two! And how can other than one, which is two, be "nondual"? Ha! NO problem!

The 'problem' of other is what the phrase 'nondualism' is designed to imply, is it not? If "ONE" is _always already_ what we experience and know, if you could say honestly that "I AM the Only Being"...then there would be no other. I had that experience. And I now live in the viable paradox of that realization. And now I see and know what it is that my clients NEED beyond what they want. But to 'give' it to them is what? Tell them, conceptually, mind to mind, of the nondual? I do that when I can. I try to show them what it is that they lack and are afraid of accepting, which is their ONLY nature, which they have been deeply conditoned to avoid. Yes, my clients, chronic sufferers all, have been deeply conditoned to avoid the social consequences of _appearing to be arrogant_ and this conditioning has pervaded to such a deep level that they have made the rotten agreement to __live in a state of self-disempowerment__... to avoid being punished.

I offer the concept of the possibilty of ABROGATING that rotten agreement, which they had made so early in their lives. I offer the concept of breaking that contract of social reward for _giving-up of oneself_ to get...the absense of punishment. Yes, the ABSENSE of punishment is the reward for this rotton agreement. That is a really, really bad agreement.

Happiness as defined by absense of punishment is a fearful child's reality. Nature is to break any such poor agreements and to live free. But the inner voices of conditioned social authority (the 'parental introject' or superego as Freud defined it) yell and threaten the fearful child. Courage is needed to make the break, to tear up the contract, and to let the chips 'fall where they may'.

The test of the reality of the nondual, is to walk away from the rotton agreement, and in that walk, to assume/become what we already are, which is simply free.

Thank you for sharing nondual perspective.

This is what I am dealing with right now, that 'everything is exactly as it is'; that I may tour What Is, that I am What is, walking around 'inside myself'. I choose to enjoy this tour, and I choose to leave-alone (not meddle) with what I see. By 'not-judging' (not evaluating).

I have a vivid memory of my first trip to Disneyland, at about age 9 I think. I really enjoyed 'Tom Sawyer's Island', and got the huge ambition to take a forbidden look at the hidden 'support machinary' which powered the various wonderful displays. I persuaded my parents to leave me on the island as they continued their tour.

I set about to find the mechanisms which supported 'Huck Finn's Cave". I wandered about with the rest of the tourists in the cave, but my motive was different than theirs. I really wanted to solve the hidden mystery of how it all worked, and how it had been hidden so cleverly.

The 'cave' was a one-way trip, in the front and out the back. I decided to walk back to the beginning from the exit, to see what I could see. Lo and behold...there was a door, concealed by a clever illusion of construction! I stepped into the shadows which concealed the door, and was deeply shocked to see a large, adult man, who was wearing a utility belt, staring down at me, the clever one who had found the hidden way. I was startled to my very core. This man had been standing there, watching me the whole time, and I did not see him. But he saw me. I immediately left the cave (going the right way this time!).

Disneyland is an 'invention' which is an outpicturing of our intuitive knowing of 'reality'...that Walt (bless his cryonic soul!) manifested a mini-version of 'What-Is'. I have always wondered just how aware he was of what he was doing. I have imagined, as an experiment, that he was aware; such an imagining tickles me highly.]

Please consider _abiding_ that which comes and goes; by so doing, you may be able to 'see' that which is abiding, which is you.

Yes, love is nondual, in my experience. I do not expect that 'others' understand what I mean by that, if they have not had my experience. Perhaps I could say, to be more specific:

Love is nondual; it contains all sub-sequent versions of love, all reflections of love, even all distortions of love. Love is an emanation of the _desire_ which creates the Universe; it is primary. Love is 'evidence' that 'God' is not self-destructive. Love is the 'secret code' of life; that we have so many ways to use the word, reflects our many individual ways, as we are on our way to the way. Naked love is the way.

I allowed Da Free to hammer me. His 'delivered revelation' that "Nothing is wrong" and that "The assumption of dilemma is the dilemma" finally became clear. His book "Garbage and the Goddess" was then accessible to me. A long time (in my life) passed before I could actually implement self-observation to the extent that I became aware that the "contraction" of Being that he refers to was concealed by my searching/seeking behaviour, the behaviour emanating from _my_ (conditioned) assumption that "something is wrong".

It was then, that I discovered that by _not seeking_, I could recover from the conditioning that "something is wrong". I discovered that _seeking_ itself is a symptom ("dukkha") of 'what is wrong', which is the contraction resulting from the assumption (conditioned) that "something is wrong". {Note: Paradox!}

Now, my seeking is of a different kind. I am open to communionication (sic).

I now see no need to 'rip the skin off of the snake'. I am patient; I can let the skin shed when the time comes for it to drop. And it drops, daily. In bits and pieces. Much of my time is spent going about, cleaning up the consequences of my past assumptions that "something is wrong". Snakeskin wallets, anyone?

I have seen people sobbing in pain and frustration _upon_ having the realizaton that for them to be 'with it' is a lot of hard work, and work that is so impossible to describe, that one sees oneself as a goofy clown, trying to juggle numerous bars of slippery soap. This clown not only must accept the need to juggle those slippery bars, as fast as they appear, but also must accept the un-graceful pratfalls which accompany the act of dropping just one bar and then stepping on it, while attending the juggling. I have found that it really helps to forget just how goofy one looks. 'Needing' to look good makes the clown drop so many bars, that he ends up on his ass 90% of the time. (Perhaps this is the 'reason' for Zazen?) The greasepaint serves to conceal the red face of  embarrasment!

Sandeep, as I read what you wrote, above, I felt a vast sense of relief. Years ago, I attended a seminar at which the featured guest was a Swami from India. He replied to many questions, and his command of the English language was admirable.

I finally mustered the courage to ask a question. I asked: "Swami, I am seriously considering resorting to the life of the renunciate. I feel that I cannot live in the common climate of deception and materialism which is so prevalent now. I really feel like 'throwing it all away' and living in a cave. Do you have any advice for me?"

His reply: (He smiled deeply at me and his eyes became a little moist)

"My friend, over forty years ago, I had the same feelings. I "threw it all away", and ever since, I have been in the garbage can, trying to find it".

(This reply shocked the audience!)

I felt something explode within me. My body became hot and then cool. The Swami gazed at me lovingly. Yet, there was something of steel in his nature. He had allowed me to have his many years of wisdom. He had shared his nature with me, powerfully, right there in public.

That brief encounter changed my life profoundly. I have never forgotten or disregarded the wisdom, nor his brilliant and direct way of sharing. He was, I feel, a fully 'realized' man.

His wisdom has served to 'immunize' me from the corrupted and perverted 'versions' of various 'religious' and 'mystical' ways and 'paths'. I am forever grateful.

>Gloria: Just getting back here and trying to catch up...Gene, you bring up >questions which fascinate me... may we explore this more? You have this >delightfully understated manner of speaking truths which I want to >underline and add ***** PAY ATTENTION HERE ***** Anyway, you bring up the >issue of perceiving almost intuitively where other people are at in their > what clues do you look for?

Gene: (Gene immediately thinks of an analogy, making use of the process of 'handshaking' which modems use to negotiate a solid connection...but rejects that analogy, thinking that Gloria and most others have not studied that bit of telecommunication esoterica.)

Okay Gloria...glad you asked. Thank you. Clues... The 'Universe' has spoken to me, personally. That is an overwhelming experience to have. It turned the whole picture around for me. It gave me an unusual perspective, it seems. It disrupted my commonality with my fellow humans.

Personally, I walk in a living land. The real-time interconnectedness of everything is almost painfully apparent to me. I cannot (and do not wish to) escape it. To say that I am "continually reminded" is a vast understatement. I had the wish to 'see'...and now I can see.

So now, I offer a few simple tips. I mean, in my life, as I rub shoulders with people, if I encounter one who somehow seems genuinely hungry, I offer a tidbit, a remark, a joke perhaps, to see what happens. If I see recognition, I connect with that person. Most often, the 'power' of that connection is all that it takes to immediately cause a spontaneous flash of seeing _by_ that person. Reactions vary. But the only way I can maintain a relationship with that person, who as a result of my sharing, has had a moment of seeing, is to begin the process of _ripping up_ my PHD. I de-deify myself. "I am not scary...I do not have vast supernatural powers...I am not here to exploit you...I will not take advantage of you even though I see and you do not"...etc etc. I am as 'ordinary' as you, and This is what you are.

I am _deeply disgusted_ by the morass of the surrender to the idiotic status-games... my 'immune-system' makes me a human phagocyte, designed to scour those traits right out of the human Being. I consider THAT to be natural. I consider that to be the natural _role_ of the realized individual, rather than attaining to a pretty place on the upper shelf of the spiritual display-case of history. That is what it is FOR; that each and every person who breaks through the membrane of conditioning, into true awareness, immediately expands THIS influence in ever-widening circles. Eventually, all such expanding circles will meet...__UNITY__ and spontaneous and utter explosive transcendence of now-obsolete vehicular shells. One more Great Eye will be open, one more galactic node will be self-aware, and thus the vast network of awareness will have one more (our) expression, and vastly more power. This is happening NOW.

> > (Gene Wrote:) It is seldom stated (as I have observed) that there are >'ordinary' people who, with little or no formal guidance, have manifested >their various potentials toward realization.

> > Gloria: Au contraire..."ordinariness" would be expected as a signpost of >realization, as in knowing that one is not special or extraordinary, but >just like everyone else. I am extremely leery of anyone who claims to be >"special" or different from the the rest of the human race and feels some >need to proclaim that.

Gene: Indeed, Gloria, I take your point. However...the time of ramping-up, the events of transcenence, the names of the things and the places and the people along the way...these things must be acknowledged, yes? So we look to the 'traditions' of 'spirituality' for what names have been given to the things and events, and start agreeing on terminology...and POOF! ...we have a new _elite_ of 'realizers', another pretty shelf on display, labeled perhaps as Maharishi this or Swami that, His Way or Path or Tradition or Lineage.

How can we do it differently? Do we want to? I do. I have a need to stay light, to blow off the baggage which is to others, the weighty badge of attainment. I have no need of mantras of self-hynotizing. I have only one intention, and that is satisfied by staying hungry. I am driven by my hunger, and I enjoy the company of those who hunger.

If we want to do it differently, we can ask the unasked question (unasked, I think, because of the forseen payoff to/from those who are considered 'superior'...nothing but silly primate-hierarchy games);

This is The Question: "What is is FOR?"

As a human Being,I ask: what is the nondual perspective FOR? Why does it occur? So that we can then compose endless sutras to our cosmic love? For the purpose of lingering ecstatically in a paradise of nondual pleasure? I think not. Although those things can be done, and are pleasant, and are possible. What is it for? Why does it happen? Is it 'natural' and IF SO... what does that imply? Please say something about this.

((((My own 'answer' to this is probably incomprehensible to most others, but here it is; I eat [read: DEVOUR] quantum wave-forms. They are my food. Only hunger makes them apparent. I devour them as fast as they occur. NO quantum wave-form 'deserves to live'... if I see it and sense it, I eat it. I have a VAST capacity. My mouth is the mouth of the universe itself, which _needs me_ to scavenge and to make WHAT IS NOT out of WHAT IS, leaving only That which is neither IS nor NOT-IS. Only MY senses and digestive capacities are capable of such acts of destruction, and every quantum waveform which I anihilate empowers me to seek and eat even more. I am the equivalent of a quantum ram-scoop engine; what is taken in, becomes fuel which gives me even more power. Thus I grow, to a vast Being, devouring all. Give me what you have; I will devour it, thank you, and ask for more!))))

> Gloria: Perhaps you refer to how common? - as in how frequently the >nondual is actually articulated or named? Is there not an assumption that realization may result from intuiting the truth...or reality of how_it_is, regardless of one's ability to speak about this with the usual intellectual overlay that results from formal study?

Gene: The natural state of a natural human Being in a natural world is, in my opinion, the 'nondual state'. We have, however, become mired in a stinking swamp of attachment/sacredness. It is time to drain the swamp; there is a nice museum availble for those who would gaze upon the artifacts of past doings. We are free to speak (as you say) in any manner we choose; we may allude, coyly, or we may state plainly. We may waltz with those who would condemn us, in hope that they will love us when we finally reveal ourselves, or we may go naked, and the devil take the hindmost. I prefer naked. At least here, in this forum.

>Gloria: It seems that the more aware I become the more frequently I see or >recognize how others are just simply and naturally living with a wonderful >present moment focus on whatever is happening. I'd swear sometimes I must >be the last person on earth to catch on... but maybe its one of those "it >takes one to know one" thingys???

Gene: "One" may know one...yes. But one may also know one, who knows not that they are one, and who is afraid to be one. Ian had a lot to say about this, in his own way.

Gene: Yes, well observed. The 'test' comes, in how does one do, in a crisis? Is the learning simply a superficial overlay, a gloss, a veneer, to be lost in stress? Or, is the 'Nondual perspective' now the very engine which powers Being? That is the question. If we live lives like the surface-dwellers in HG Wells 'The Time Machine', we are essentially weak and actually helpless. In such case, the almight CONTROL issues are always at the fore, because paradise must be maintained, external conditions make ease possible, and those who intrude and shatter external conditions must then be controlled. This applies to husbands, wives, lovers, children, friends. But the illusion of paradise can only be maintained at the cost of one's 'soul', as it says in the Bible. the culmination of the allowance of the building of conditions which if seen and responded to _as they occured_, would have required only the lightest touch to modify. Now, the crisis has occured, and huge force _seems to be_ needed. Wisdom acknowledges what is, so crisis can be a wonderful gateway to the Nondual perspective...if wisdom is enacted. If not, unmodified interdependent arisings simply and inevitably 'create' a bigger crisis. One may modify the future by consuming what _now_ is evident as food for the enlightened, IE, the waste-products of growth and evolution. Embalming such efluvia in the fluid of 'sacredness' is to insure much future crisis; catching them on the run and eating them, and asking for more, is the Nondual 'way'. Not sacred...just natural for 'us' "realizers".

I am a very skilled predator upon such tidbits...I relish the deconstruction, as I eat the energy which was originally applied to cement movement into static form. That is why...I apply the solvent/enzyme of digestion to definition, to melt the form, to allow the particulars to be revealed and then also consumed. I am hungry. I am the 'gaping maw of infinity'. Feed me.

> Gloria: Anyway, you bring up the issue of perceiving almost intuitively >where other people are at in their what clues do you >look for?

Gene: Starvation.

Starvation may be plainly apparent (seeking but not finding) or it may manifest as 'gluttony', IE, overeating due to the inabliity to absorb nutrients (malabsorbtion syndrome).

In any event, the hunger is universal. Human digestion requires roughage (indigestable materials) as well as easily absorbed nutrients. Many 'seekers' will eat only predigested pablum, and become creatures of 'rules' and 'shoulds', and never really develope their teeth or guts. Others will try to eat rocks.

The point to learn to recognize the frustrated aspirant, as well as the 'realizer'. The former are abundant, the latter apparently rare. But they DO occur.

> >(Gene wrote:) Perhaps this would imply that realization is a natural >function of the person, and that the 'religious' context comes later, or >after-the-fact.

> > Gloria: IMPLIES??? Yes!! I am so happy to see this brought up for >discussion. Please speak more about your observations of this, Gene. Not >only a religious, but also an intellectual context of understanding may >come later. So just how necessary is that to begin with? How natural is >realization?

Gene: The question of implication may be dismissed by some as irrelavant. And it may be, but I agree that it is a useful lead to explore. As I have stated in various ways above, it strikes me that realization is in fact a natural function of the human Being. The context of realization in the external sense, is best actuated by example. We here in the west have so few examples, that we are starving.

Examples of 'realized nondualists' are rare, as we know. I admire Jerry's intention to strip the overlay of culture-and-time-specific artifact from such examples, to the effect of revealing the commonalities of these examples. But it is equally useful for US to strip away our own overlays, our acquired cultural baggage, to see what we are 'underneath'...which is I Am.

>Gloria: How often are people drawn here to "us" even and then confused by >the very dazzling array of information which purports to help explain >nondualism.

People are drawn here by their hunger. They may be disappointed to find such discussions between 'ordinary' people who are struggling to find words for what cannot be explained in such a way, as to clear every obstacle before them. But that is the name of the game, yes? We learn as we go. Few of the 'realizers' which I have known or known of, had followed any formula or recipe to realization. Touching 'en passant and continuing seems to be the norm for such as we. Arriving? Only at station, and then onward.

Further, I see the function of SUPPORT as very vital, and severly lacking most everywhere. One who is developing naturally WILL realize the nondual, but they may not have access to a context (like this list) which reassures them that they are NOT merely flipping-out and becoming abnormal. That is why, in the context of support, I advocate _abiding_. It allows everyone 'on-board'. Some will prefer the caboose, and others will prefer to ride on the top of the engine, blowing the loud horn joyously. But it is all good...if support is remembered.

>Gloria: No offense to Jerry, because I think the FAQ's on the website are >an effort to introduce "understanding" in plainly understood language.

Gene: Yes, I and am loving the job he is doing. It is a great resource. And it seems, the only thing like this thing so far. Most 'guides' insist upon replication of a specific form of progress, which comforts and validates everyone involved. But such self-celebratory parties can be a circular trap, and it seems that no Guru in human form can go any farther than any other human is capable of going.

>Gloria: I myself find the best way to "speak" about nondualism is to find >out first what the other person may have already intuited in order to >create some common ground for understanding..tho its more often like just >a wink of recognition rather than any big deal. Its not like every >'realizer' goes around creating religions..but they do live differently.

Yes. A person is either interested or not. Sometimes we find a person at a crucial phase of life during a particularly potent crisis. It is then that a small showing of awareness can act as irresistable bait for the hungry. Sometimes a person has had a spontaneous experience which they have no conceptual correlary for, and if such is provided for them, progress can begin. It is the small things that count.

Creating religions: Religions are created around realizers. But the context of the religion can only be as valid as the realizations of the participants, as you know. The Monty Python movie 'The Life of Brian' is an excellent and humorous example of this.

> Gloria: So how "recognizable" is this??

Gene: "This"? Really, your concerns show quite well, I think. Compassion for others, and the same for oneself. The avoidance of creating dead-end traps of starvation for the hungry. Daring to share a human perspective of realization, which may deviate from prescribed and assumed paths. All of that. And then taking, selfishly, one's birthright of awareness. Tolerating the many different ways such is expressed. On and on it goes; there is always a next generation to example, mentor, and teach. Expressing in ordinary language, the living paradox of seeing and Being.

My 'breakthrough' came in several forms, the most outrageous one being the 'blatent evidence' that I am living 'inside' and 'as' a huge (as if 'size matters'... ) and seeminly eternal 'organism' which is as vast as the universe; in fact, it IS the universe. I 'saw', with exquisite clarity, that 'all of what is' is held in its 'configuration' by 'intention'; I saw, in other words, that 'everything' is as it is, because 'something' wants it to be the way that it is. I saw that everything and anything can, at any moment, simply 'flow' from one shape into another, according to this 'intention', which is a priniciple 'greater than I am'.

I saw that humans live in a trance of assumed separation, in a dreamlike state, consumed by the mythology which comprises our social reality. I saw also that it is obvious that it is so, and that if one can be distracted from the compulsory involvement in the superstition of 'human social life', that it can be seen by anyone

. This is hard to say in a way that does not arouse opposition in the reader; it is difficult for me to communicate what I can see and know. I have no intention of convincing anyone of these things.

I saw that I am a creature of slime, clothed in pride, my proper or intended consciousness replaced by a cloud of 'lofty ideals'. By slime, I do not mean 'bad'; indeed, this slime is the very essence of biological life. It is the formless protoplasm which is held in human form by the standing-wave of samskara; my human form is only one possible manifestation of the range of Life and Being available to me. As this is so, I am one with all biological life, and have a greater communion with bacteria and fungi than with the 'higher creatures'. The so-called 'lower' forms of life, actually 'obey' the intention of creation more rigorously than the higher, so I saw. I had to surrender to this... hidden hierarchy; I had to become slime, and as I did so, every manner of creature was born out of me. I had become the 'pleroma' or primal ocean. I saw that I am the emanation of all of life; this was a huge shock, all of it, but I had no choice but to surrender. I did not have the strength to resist. It was at that point that I realized that I was inside-out, that my blood was the oceans and rivers and rain, and that my 'male' was now on the inside, and that on the 'outside' I had become female. I deeply understood the effect of being female; the universe became an entirely different place for me to experience; I was in constant communion with all of life, and life came to me to feed me, as an inevitable sacrifice of self to self. It has been a very fair exchange.

I realized the delicacy of my hunger, the fragility of my breath, and the amazing resiliancy of my heart. I was only durable enough to survive if I was careful to survive. I learned navigation based upon 'organismic' values, rather than social ones. I saw the 'hideous strength' of brute-reactive 'ego'; if was terrifying, like a monster.

All sounds spoke a unified chorus of the same voices, like many instruments all playing the same musical score. I heard the eternal conversation of male/female, of pursuit and fleeing and negotiation; I realized that all of 'matter' is held in its forms by this conversation, that in fact the very subatomic particles themselves are in eternal conversation with each-other.

At some point in the proceedings, everything became merged into one thing, and it showed itself to me and spoke to me. It is VERY 'cool' (it is in fact the very essence of 'cool' in the slang sense) and has a vast, imperishable sense of humor. Here I was, apparently _completely insane_, and the Living Intelligence of the Universe was _smiling_ at me and letting me know, personally, that I was correct in my perceptions of what it is. At that moment, everything 'fell together'. It was in that instant that I became a 'helpless realizer'.

This 'balance' I speak of is resultant from my whole Being-nature. I cannot describe 'how to attain it', but I can say that to maintain it is to 'Be in integrity' at all times. This means _very basic honesty_ with myself. It is this honesty which is the source or means of integrity. Integrity is _immunity_, the ability to continue.

I have given up on seeking and/or maintaining a complex, reified 'belief system' of any kind. I cannot find, nor do I need, 'justification'. I am Being, conditional only upon integrity/immunity, and I am interwoven into all of this, not at all separate from it. 'It' is the model of immunity which I allow, through discipline, to inform me; thus, I am immortal as 'it' is, as long as I am 'in integrity'. It is becoming easier and easier as time and practice goes on. Nothing is excluded, and we'it are one big throbbing Whole, an outburst of outrageous Being-nature. Death is left far, far behind. "May the devil take the hindmost", is the motto of the cosmic recycling team. I breath this, and there is nothing outside of it; there are no boundaries to constrain it. Living this is freedom, for I cannot fail, even if I 'fail'.

"The Man who paints the pictures, will catch you if you fall... " Fever Tree, SF CA, circa 1972


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