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#1158 - August 6, 2002 - Editor: Michael

And Now!
Something Completely Stupid!

Yeah verily yeah - all is one. And yet, one wonders what one is doing...

hmm.... issue #1158
or - i musta bumped my head on getting out of bed this morning!


Chain saw Jesus, 30 pounds of bathtub cheese and a crotch full of cement

Yes, it's time for another edition of

NEWS BRIEFS

*HAVE A SEAT A Pflugerville, Texas, middle-school teacher was fired for throwing a chair at a student during a "behavior
management" class.

*HE'S NO GOUDA In Napa, Calif., health inspectors arrested a 57-year-old man and charged him with manufacturing 30
pounds of "bathtub cheese."

*ON THE TRAIL OF THE WILD DOOFUS A man who broke into the First Church of the Nazarene in Franklin, Ohio, left
a trail of Budweiser cans from the scene of the crime to his house.

*GROIN PAINS An Indian man is claiming the world record for having the most cement blocks smashed on his groin.

*I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE USED THE CEMENT BLOCKS! In Siliguri, India, a man was arrested for impersonating a
eunuch.

*MAKE IT A DOUBLE In Canaseraga, N.Y., an intoxicated 55-year-old man ran his car into a ditch, then climbed back to
the highway, where he was hit by another car, driven by his intoxicated wife.

*THE CHAIN SAW MASS OCCURS A church in New Zealand held a special service to celebrate "God's gift of chain
saws." There were chain saws on the altar, a "chain saw orches-tra," and pictures of Jesus holding a chain saw.

*THEY WERE CHARGED WITH BATTERY At a church in Milan, Italy, priests discovered that a young couple who visited
often to pray in front of a statue of the Madonna were actually charging their cell phone from an electric outlet behind the
statue.

*FUR REAL? In State College, Pa., animal rights activists vandalized a clothing store that had a jacket with a fake fur collar in
the window. Said the shop's owner: "If they're stupid enough not to know real fur from fake, we've got a real problem in our
society."

*DRONE ON Time magazine reports that vegans are now urging people not to eat honey because "its production demands
the oppression of worker bees."

-- Universal Press Syndicate; Reuters; Chicago Sun-Times; Ananova.com; Bizarre News; The Age

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