|Dr. Robert Puff|
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Double Issue February, 25-26, 2003 editor: michael
Note: no gods were scarificed to, worshipped, appeased, invoked or harmed during the production of this issue. Well, ok a few gods were appeased. Mainly, they were happy to get some attention after thousands of years of near obscurity. Another Note: If your favorite God or Gods are not listed in this issue, please understand that a lot of 'other' Gods weren't inluded either. So many Gods - so little time. Yet Another Note: To the one great big ineffable God that has caused all things - Gods and Humans - to come into existance - Thanks!
and More GODS
Lists of Gods: This list has very brief descriptions of a variety of gods. http://www.geocities.com/lavenderwater37/list.htm
This site calls itself the Holy Database of all know Gods. Of course it doesn't have ALL the known Gods but it does have many of them, with some light hearted descriptions.
The site has its own database search engine. A search on Love Gods included:
Database Entry on TLAZOLTEOTIL Country: Aztec
God and Chocolate
chocolate Jesus? an excerpt:
On the Internet I found a different Chocolate
Jesus (Shane Ryan
Names of God
This list has 330 names of God as found in the Old and New Testaments of the Christian Bible: http://www.characterbuildingforfamilies.com/names.html The first 20 -
Modern Kitchens and Kitchen Gods - for sale
tip What are 'Kitchen Deities' ?
an excerpt: I love the Greek Gods! They had lives better than soap operas and Stories better than anything! I actually went to Greece, and believe me when I say that it's the best place on Earth, because I've been a heck of a lot of places! I had the wonderful experience to take eight months off and travel. Anyway, on with the Greek Gods! Just so you know, to me the romans were stupid copycats! But I'll let you decide on your own.
African Gods - a lot of African Gods http://www.mythome.org/Africanconcord.html
Asian Gods - a lot of Asian Gods http://www.mythome.org/Asianconcord.html
~~~ Unknown Gods and Goddesses http://www.olympian-foundation.org/unknown_gods_and_goddesses_.htm excerpt:
What if the ancient gods were brought up to date?
Dionysius: Some things never change. Dionysius is God of Sex, Drugs, and rock-and-roll.
Eros: Have you seen that guy and the arrows? Definitely the God of soap operas.
Hades: God of big business (God of wealth), depression (he stays constantly in his own little underworld), and may currently be the vice-president of the US
Heista: Goddess of homemaking and houses
Hephastus: God of Geeks, preferably computer Geeks
Hera: Goddess of righteous jealousy and divorce
Hercules: God of very, very, very dumb jocks and steroids, as well as abusive husbands
Hermes: God of telecommunications (very fast, and a messenger), and yuppies (young upwardly mobile people)
Persephone: Goddess of dieting (never ate in the Underworld), make-up (Goddess of youth), heroine (seen holding opium flowers), and supermodels (see above). Also Goddess of dual mental illnesses such as manic-depression
Polyduces: God of televised sports, especially contact (great boxer)
Poseidon: God of surfing and beach bums
Jealous and Indulgent Gods
The Tale of the Lonely God
God in the movies
Small Gods - a book by Terry Pratchett
Now consider the tortoise and the eagle.
The tortoise is a ground-living creature. It is impossible to live nearer the ground without being under it. Its horizons are a few inches away. It has about as good a turn of speed as you need to hunt down a lettuce. It has survived while the rest of evolution flowed past it by being, on the whole, no threat to anyone and too much trouble to eat.
And then there is the eagle. A creature of the air and high places, whose horizons go all the way to the edge of the world. Eyesight keen enough to spot the rustle of some small and squeaky creature half a mile away. All power, all control. Lightning death on wings. Talons and claws enough to make a meal of anything smaller than it is and at least take a hurried snack out of anything bigger.
And yet the eagle will sit for hours on the crag and survey the kingdoms of the world until it spots a distant movement and then it will focus, focus, focus on the small shell wobbling among the bushes down there on the desert. And it will leap . . .
And a minute later the tortoise finds the world dropping away from it. And it sees the world for the first time, no longer one inch from the ground but five hundred feet above it, and it thinks: what a great friend I have in the eagle.
And then the eagle lets go.
And almost always the tortoise plunges to its death. Everyone knows why the tortoise does this. Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. No one knows why the eagle does this. There's good eating on a tortoise but, considering the effort involved, there's much better eating on practically anything else. It's simply the delight of eagles to torment tortoises.
But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.
One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.
The story takes place in desert lands, in shades of umber and orange. When it begins and ends is more problematical, but at least one of its beginnings took place above the snowline, thousands of miles away in the mountains around the Hub.*
One of the recurring philosophical questions is:
"Does a failing tree in the forest make a sound when there is no one to hear?"
Which says something about the nature of philosophers, because there is always someone in a forest. It may only be a badger, wondering what that cracking noise was, or a squirrel a bit puzzled by all the scenery going upwards, but someone. At the very least, if it was deep enough in the forest, millions of small gods would have heard it.
Things just happen, one after another. They don't care who knows. But history . . . ah, history is different. History has to be observed. Otherwise it's not history. It's just . . . well, things happening one after another.
And, of course, it has to be controlled. Otherwise it might turn into anything. Because history, contrary to popular theories, is kings and dates and battles. And these things have to happen at the right time. This is difficult. In a chaotic universe there are too many things to go wrong. It's too easy for a general's horse to lose a shoe at the wrong time, or for someone to mishear an order, or for the carrier of the vital message to be waylaid by some men with sticks and a cash flow problem. Then there are wild stories, parasitic growths on the tree of history, trying to bend it their way.
So history has its caretakers.
They live . . . well, in the nature of things they live wherever they are sent, but their spiritual home is in a hidden valley in the high Ramtops of the Discworld, where the books of history are kept.
These aren't books in which the events of the past are pinned like so many butterflies to a cork. These are the books from which history is derived. There are more than twenty thousand of them; each one is ten feet high, bound in lead, and the letters are so small that they have to be read with a magnifying glass.
When people say "It is writtenit is written here.
There are fewer metaphors around than people think.
Every month the abbot and two senior monks go into the cave where the books are kept. It used to be the duty of the abbot alone, but two other reliable monks were included after the unfortunate case of the 59th Abbot, who made a million dollars in small bets before his fellow monks caught up with him.
Besides, it's dangerous to go in alone. The sheer concentratedness of History, sleeting past soundlessly out into the world, can be overwhelming. Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.
The 493rd Abbot folded his wrinkled hands and addressed Lu-Tze, one of his most senior monks. The clear air and untroubled life of the secret valley was such that all the monks were senior; besides, when you work with Time every day, some of it tends to rub off.
"The place is Omnia," said the abbot, "on the Klatchian coast."
"I remember," said Lu-Tze. "Young fellow called Ossory, wasn't there?"
"Things must be . . . carefully observed," said the abbot. "There are pressures. Free will, predestination . . . the power of symbols . . . turning-point . . . you know all about this."
"Haven't been to Omnia for, oh, must be seven hundred years," said Lu-Tze. "Dry place. Shouldn't think there's a ton of good soil in the whole country, either."
"Off you go, then," said the abbot.
"I shall take my mountains," said Lu-Tze. "The climate will be good for them."
And a final note: No pictures of Gods were used in this issue. Why? Oh those Gods! Have you ever tried to take a picture of a multiheaded god? No? Hah. You try appeasing some pan-dimensional diety with about a million aspects just so you can get the lighting perfect.
And yet another final note: The links provided were not thoroughly researched, merely found. No endorsement or refutation of any gods or goddesses should be inferred. But I am going to check the lightning rods and renew my flood, famine and pestilence insurance policies - just in case. After all, I am the first born male child in my family...
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|Dr. Robert Puff|