The Paradox of Expression

Posted on Mar 26th, 2007 by deepsurface : vapor deepsurface

No matter what I write, what is being expressed here can easily find a parallel on the internet and almost certainly in someone else’s mind. Perhaps not in the exact way I’m expressing it, but similar sentiments, emotions, thoughts, patterns have come up for someone somewhere - probably many people. So what’s the point of writing anything? Probably reinforce the illusion that I’m special, that I’m unique, that I exist.

This is one thing Google has made even more obvious. Type in words representing a thought, an idea, an emotion and see your lack of specialness come up from many different places. Philosophically and logically, I have accepted that I don’t exist, that this manifestation called Sean is just a constrained and deluded aspect of the divine. I don’t feel connected to the universe, but I know that don’t exist as a separate entity.

Yet, I continue to express myself, to read what other people produce, believing the separation exists, believing on some level that there is an “I” and an other, while there fundamentally is not. Writing that, I realize most descriptions of the divine exclude nothing, not even duality. In looking for the Nothing from which everything arises, I’ve been looking at everything as a lie - which it is. But this lie, this dream of my life is a perfect expression of Nothing, of God. It’s God’s dream that I’m trying to see through, and the lack of substance in doesn’t make it any less perfect.

So here I am again, typing away with God’s hands, feeling fortunate that He is not using them kill puppies or something. The strange thing is knowing at a certain level that I’m not really making choices, just thinking that I am, thinking that this collection of patterns and preferences I call myself is real and separate from the universe.

So why express myself, why read other people’s expressions, why do anything at all? Two reasons - delusion and lack of choice. I know I’m deluded and I know I have no choice (actually those are beliefs and insubstantial until the moment of Knowing). Because whatever I do is OK and perfect as it happens - and I still believe in the delusion - whatever comes up must be accepted fully, as it is. If it’s not accepted, that fine too, but the more I can be aware of what comes up and open to it, the more I embrace Truth. To be more accurate, God, manifested as Sean, embraces himself as he arises.

This leads to the question, why would God reject himself, kill himself, hurt himself, if He is all there is, if He is me? Why not? How could this tiny brain understand the motivations of God? It cannot. But the awareness within and the brain itself and everything arising is God. Well, back to not knowing anything.

I set out to write about why I would express myself or read other’s expressions and hoped to come up with some life-affirming answer. The only life-affirming thing about what I see is that everything is God and God’s expression. I’m not choosing to express myself, even when I think I am. I’m not choosing to do anything. God makes the choices and I do not know why God chooses to do these things. All answers I’ve heard are unsatisfying, such as “God wanted to know himself, so he decided to play a game and the only way to really play would be to forget who he really was.”

Trying to explain how things work is hopeless without direct Knowing. If “I” can do anything, it must be in looking at what is, being aware of what comes up. The only faith I can buy into is that everything is perfect, and even that can be questioned. The only answer is, “How could it not be?” There is no choice, so how could wanting things to be different be any help at all? Knowing the ultimate perspective that is one and many and no one at the same time is the only worthy goal. Looking at aspects of myself for what is real, tearing pieces of myself off until there is Nothing left is the only thing worth doing. But this same process requires embracing everything. I will become nothing, embrace everything, revealing that there never was an “I” becoming or embracing or doing anything at all.

Access_public Access: Public 1 Comment Hide Comments views (23) Tagged with: awareness, belief, choice, faith, God, now, patterns, perspective, Truth 1 day later cree said

So what's the point of writing anything? Probably reinforce the illusion that I'm special, that I'm unique, that I exist.

This is so funny.
I feel this way also.
I love the internet and would like to fancy myself a
Kosmic Blogger ~ but I can't seem to muster anything
that really needs expressing. It's all already just perfectly arising-
Even the 'bad' stuff.
Coming. Staying awhile. Passing.
I watch it. I read other's writing.
I'm just rarely compelled to respond.
I was today though, reading your post.
Call me Ahab.
; )

cree

A Different Language

Posted on Mar 17th, 2007 by deepsurface : vapor deepsurface In My Language

Please watch this video http://youtube.com/watch?v=JnylM1hI2jc all the way through. An autistic woman shows us how she relates to the world and then translates her perspective for “normal people.” Notice your reactions in the beginning and see if they change while watching. I found it to be quite powerful.

Thanks to Kate at Dating God for initially embedding it.

Also posted at deepsurface.net
Access_public Access: Public 0 Comments views (69) Tagged with: autistic, language, perspective, video

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