Jerry Katz
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The wind carves shapes into the beach sand

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Nonduality Salon (/\)

Highlights #395

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Let me see if I can get this straight:

I (Michael) don't exist and never have.

Life is just a dream dreamt by THAT, which I really am.

It is by grace that I understand all this.

I don't have to do anything to realize it.

Any effort I make takes me further away from it.

No wonder this is difficult to get...certainly not the american way
of working hard and achieving goals and .....................then you die.



This morning I was awakened by a thunderstorm
followed by a gentle rain..

This morning the lawn is lush and green
even while newly opened blossom petals lay
ripped and strewn atop it.

Raindrops fell.

Nothing personal;

without intention;

yet life is changed.

Or is it?



I am not here to convince you. I am
talking. I don't want to argue or even prove a point.
I just have stuff I am looking at and like to talk about.
If it doesn't fit how you see things and you think it is
full of crap, find someone else to talk to.



........ take a good
look. a bunch of personalities, a bunch of preferences, dislikes and
allegiances. we get personally involved, we piss around our bush and get

if you take 'it' seriously (yes in a fun way, but seriously), then you get
indignant when somebody neglects it, or craps on it, or makes its attainment
more difficult for 'others' by any means, because it is a precious thing.
you have felt its value.

I've sat with what you say here, Null One, and have
to admit that even though a response has bubbled up twice,
I have refused it....until now.

[It is a challenge all in itself to look to the source of
such reticence....much less participate further in this
discussion. But I will continue.]

I have no real complaints....I'm not even
motivated to 'change' anything. You have inspired me,
however, to share some of what stirs thru me as I read
these posts....

The absence of conflict these past few months has been
quite apparent here on this list. (I'm aware that some may
note that *my* absence, along with a few others these past
few months, may well account for the change in tone here.)

To me, the list has felt kind of 'gooey sweet' ....and as one
who is often accused of being 'too sweet' herself, I have
found myself feeling repulsed by it. Sometimes I would even
wince when I would read some posts.

It has been a challenge to me to simply remain
witness to this reaction, rather than try to change
anything....a challenge to say 'yes' to what feels
like drinking refined sugar water.

At the same time I'm also aware of the sense of
caution I have about becoming part of a 'community'
.....part of a clique....even a nondual one. The sense
is that alliances (aka 'friendships') cost more than I
am willing to pay right. Heaven knows I'm aware how
harsh....and maybe even jaded..... that may sound, but I know
that 'social' relationships require a great deal of work, attention,
even some smoozing now and again....

sometimes requires flattery...even general, a lot
of energy I'm not willing to spend right now.

I know how 'unloving' that may sound, and if I were
a 'moral' woman, I might be inclined to feel guilty.

But I don't. I realize as I write this that my only
hesitation in sharing this is knowing that such a
disclosure may generate anger and sarcasm in others,
....and anger and sarcasm frankly takes a lot more of
energy to 'abide' right now than even the taste of
sugar does.

I'm not sure what kind of place this rather honest
sharing has here anymore, but I offer it nonetheless.

In noticing my reaction I am left with wondering why I
would react so. Why does this list feel so unnatural....even
synthetic to me now? Obviously in asking such a question, the first
instinct is to look within and ask, "where is the unnaturalness in me,
the 'false' in me, that feels so repulsive?"

In asking myself that again now, I hear my self say, "Until I can
be around people and genuinely....naturally....heartfully...
enjoy their company, I'd rather not be around them at all."



Sometimes nonduality is very
beautifully pointed toward,
which is all that words can
do in that regard. Most of
the time, the words appear
too mundane to be of such an
exalted llk, but that is a
mere appearance. Look more
deeply, with all the clarity
you can muster. Drop your
assumptions about what
"should" be happening and
kick them aside -- you might
notice that the nondual does
not preclude the mundane,
but rather effortlessly
and exquisitely encompasses

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