Jerry Katz
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The wind carves shapes into the beach sand

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Highlights #455

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Tuesday, August 29


After coming back to town this afternoon and scanning the
e-mails on Advaitin, I discovered that our friend and
brother Sri Frank Maiello will be somewhat limiting his
internet contributions to the Advaitin list due to certain
conditions of the body. Sri Frankji had told us before in
some posts of the horrific pain he has experienced at
times, but many were not aware and did not suspect the
extent of it. This is particularly so because there is a
wonderful quality of reasoning, wisdom, and acceptance in
Frank's posts. And Sri Frankji, always with the purest
intent and awareness and gestures of profound love, points
at the highest Truth.

Frank is a brother devotee of the Sage of Arunachala and
holds a special place in my heart. I love Frank dearly even
though we have never physically met. Some time ago, Frankji
told me of a video tape he had of Sri Ramana and offered to
send it to me from Florida where he resides. He said I
could watch it as many times as I liked and then could send
it back at my convenience. I was moved by the gesture and
at first was reluctant to accept such a precious gift which
is so dear to my brother Frank. I also did not wish it to
be lost in the mail or anything as well. Finally, I
accepted the gift. You can imagine my delight to find the
video tape in my mailbox a few days later with a beautiful
handwritten line from Frank.

Well, how I watched the documentary video on the Sage
Ramana with rapt attention many times over again with tears
in my eyes and thought of Sri Frank's kindness and

I pray that Sri Frankji's suffering and pain and that of
his wife at seeing him suffer be minimized. We send our
love. I know others join me in this prayer as well.

Frankji, you are always in our heart, forever.

For those who do not know this modern day sage and the
leading exponent of clear and radical nondualism, the
following URL will take you there. You will see there Sri
Frankji's face glowing with light. There is also a picture
of Sri Frankji with his beautiful wife.

Love to all Harsha



I don't see boredom as connected with fear so much as a
manifestation of the typical dualistic human condition.
Boredom is a perceptual state in which reality is excluded
entirely, because thought is so busy comparing it to the
dead past and the fictional/hypothetical future -- and
finding it wanting on both counts, of course -- that the
actual moment, the one and only abode of the truly sacred,
is buried in comparative activity and the accompanying
resentment and wishfulness. I won't say that this is
somehow "worse" or more important to look into than fear,
but it is surely more prevalent in the human psyche, a more
frequent form of our species' suffering. I agree with that
reptile-brain fear, the visceral perception of physical
peril, is enlivening, rightful, and pretty much unavoidable
-- fear of the psychological ilk is another matter, it is
self-inflicted suffering and in that it is at least
somewhat akin to boredom.



Boredom is a signal
that an entity wants
something, 'entertainment',
and isn't getting it.

Beneath boredom is pain,
the pain of feeling
something is needing
to be had.

Boredom is a gift, a
direct present from
Awareness, saying
"be," "look here,"
"open here".

Entertainment also is
a gift, saying
"be," "open here,"
"look here".

Beyond boredom and entertainment
is the ending of the entity
that seeks to end one
with the other, and to
keep the other going
to avoid the first.

The end of the entity is
more than a gift of Awareness,
it is only Awareness,
saying nothing.



When boredom becomes more interesting to me than whatever
phenomenon is lurking about, I realize "I'm over it." ...
the phenon, that is.



What I am taking away (well, one of the sound bites at any
rate) is that there is work to be done when there is work
to be done and that there is surrender when the time is
right for surrender. To wait too long to surrender is to
cling to the ego, and to surrender too soon is to abdicate
one's responsibilities to learn to live well. It is not an
easy task to know which one is doing (at least I am not
finding it easy). It looks to me as though there is a good
deal of learning how to live to be done, and then there is
surrendering to the truth that one has learned those things
and voila, here one IS.


Don't think I don't appreciate the show of support. I just
want to take it the step further. I want to taste who I am.

Am I alone in thinking that there should be some relief at
some point? Frankly, ego deaths suck big time. I feel very
ready to kill. Very capable of genocide. Very willing to
fuck you over big time. waah. This is the door I hold open.
please come in before my strength fails. accept me as I am,
for I am nothing else. nothing at all.



Hey, sweetheart, you are love. That's all. Ego death only
feels shitty for a little while. 'Sides, it ain't death.
It's life.

Man, are you gonna be chagrined! {:-| Doh!

I would tell you to 'hang in there' but tis better to let
go! YEAAaaaaaa!

Q: What is awakening? A: Knowing that everything IS. Q: Why
can't I do it. A: Because you have a 'me'. Q: If I no
longer have a 'me', will I awaken. A: If there is no 'me',
who wants to awaken?

Smiling Kindly Here

Peace - Michael


Some of Dan Berkow's writings have been compiled to create
a couple of web pages. Please see

Thanks to Larry Biddinger and Gloria Lee for their
involvement in putting this together, and, oh yeah, to Dan
for writing the stuff! It is only a sampling of his
prodigious output. You'll also find much of Greg Goode's
writing in this compilation.

Jerry Katz




Dear All

Kia Ora

I need to unsubscribe tonight to the egroup due to needing
to go and work in Germany for a week. These last few days
it has been so wonderful to experience the American point
of view - the American humour and the American sense of
fun. Last but no least, the auntenticity of people that I
have read on this NDS group. It has been immensely
enriching and I thank everyone for simply just sharing
their heartfelt response.

It is in deep gratitiude... , that you have provided this
wonderful space ; this 'slaughter house of love' and all
those who work within it.





Communication is a challenge isn't it? :-) You seem to me
to be trying to find the 'right' way to be at all times.
Like there is a method that will work. To me, being isn't
something that you do.

About the sales experience, I was truly interested in what
variables went to make me feel so identified and nuts. I am
usually much more grounded and aware. The fact that I made
myself sick was very interesting to me. But I don't see it
as a problem to be solved.

I do see that we have lost the manual on how to develop a
soul. I don't see that I have one as yet. I have one in the
making. As long as I think that I am the human/body/
machine, I will never be able to operate it. So soul
development and being able to operate the machine go
together. As long as I think that I am the human/body/
machine, I think that I can operate it. As I see that I not
only can't operate it, I am also not it, I begin to get a
feel for how the thing works.

And in response to Robert, I suspect at some point, it may
become possible to program the machine to what Xan calls
habits of mind. Like alarm clocks to wake me up.
Programming the machine and soul development are not the
same thing although they most likely go hand in hand.



Kia Ora all

The fact that this 'machine' the human programming, that is
programmed explicitness by the interpersonal handing down
of 'shame' from generation to generation.

One only has to look at what creates the spiritual search
in us. To find an escape route out. We start seeking Indian
Guru's, Western mystic's, meditations in the attempt to get
free of it all. If one is happy in the first place who
would bother searching for wholeness?

The endless covert and overt suggestions given either
through tactile, sound, or sight go directly into the
unconscious of the child. We as you know, are literally
programmed by Mr. and Mrs. God our personal
hypnotherapist's. We take on board the belief systems of
those we most trust and love.. our parents..

The child is literally a programmed download of the
parental and family/ Whanau. We grow up thinking believing
... I'm my own deciding being... Thinking man/woman. I'm
and individual.. I'm me..

We carry these beleif systems to our various guru's and
Mystic claiming there useful purpose was to bring me to the
Slaughter house of love where the Master say's "give me all
your concepts of who you think you are, and what this is
all about"

Gurdjieff created such exquisite exercises in the field of
attention to de hypnotize the spell of the individuals and
or the group .Moving out of know reference points! here the
importance of structure is required I sure yoiu are well

Rajneesh and other created the same process in their way.
Rajneesh love Gurdjieff.His wrok has been a giantic
contribution in the work in Consciouness.

In fact all Master's if their are worth their salt, the
soul purpose of their work is break the spell.

One only has to look into the workings of the German fairy
tales.. they are tools to break spell.

The work is about the spell breaking of conventional, rigid
consciousness. It is true, our ego personality likes to
occasionally entertain the concept of its own demise, but
in truth it is terrified and scared of the sacred.

The interesting thing about being 'spell bound' is that
when a person is spell bound they know how to lift it, but
they cannot lift it. The person who is to lift the
'spellbounding' does not know how it is to be lifted, but
through spontaneous action creates the action deemed
necessary that is required to break the spell.

And break what?

The continuous identification with the idea 'I am the body'
'I am the mind' 'I am my feelings' 'I am my thoughts' 'I am
my emotions'.. Into 'Iam"... and last but not lest.. I'm
not responsibly for my actions! for I enlightened now. This
last creation of resistance is for most the hardess to
break. It is the piercing of the side of Christ on the
Cross here the emotional body is opened.. to bleed on to
the earth to bring the emotional body into the work of
compassion after awakening..It is the growth of coming back
to the world or sorrow to feel it and not deny what is God
is human form feeling and resisting his or her own

To be against anything means I'm connected right there at
that point..Where I like it or not.. And by being connected
to it a negitive charge of attention is created and one is
fixated by this view point. In others words, as a resited
creation that was intented to be expereinced.

All the work is to free up attention so you as
'Consciouness' can decide where you/ I want to place it and
direct attention.

Until a very developed enlightment has occured and that
rare.. attention invariably gets caught up. Heaps of people
who have had incredible deep enlightend realisations, still
get caught up in greed, pride and shame. from time to time.
I'm on of them

Love Pou



AZIZ: "What is really the Soul? Yes, it is Me, the I that
is directly recognized in the heart and that embraces all
of our being. It is the unique taste of Me, the child of
the Beloved. The experience of the Soul is one of bliss,
fullness and warmth. To feel the Soul is to be touched by
the Beloved. It is an experience of the celestial realm;
the realm of purity, beauty, kindness and love. The inner
stillness of our being seems like a natural state, but it
is not what I am. I am something much more subtle. The Soul
is not the I Am. The I Am is impersonal and universal. The
Soul is absolutely personal. It dwells within the Heart,
but awakens through the I Am. It is the Soul that everyone
possess, but that is so rarely seen. This is amazing. Not
to see the Absolute can be understood, for it is a secret
dimension in some way; but not to see the Soul? Not to see
our true identity? It seems like an irony. The Soul is not
just the Heart. She is within the Heart. She is what is Me
within the heart. It is so simple and so subtle at the same


It's kind of fuzzy to me. I certainly get Aziz's mixture of
head and heart and the necessity of including both to help
facilitate (I might say 'true', but I'll say 'better')
communication. It is characteristic of what I had looked at
when I visited his site. I have a favorable impression of
his work overall, though not enough spare time to digest
all that he is offering.

There is a certain precision I have become accustomed to in
communication around these matters. For instance, the term
'to understand something on a practical level' to me means
to have experienced the topic under discussion personally.
This has to do with 'verification' as *the* basis for
*understanding*. Approaching a subject, temporal or
ethereal, in this way creates understanding that is wholly
your own, that is, it is internal (to you) and not
dependent on something outside of one's self. Understanding
is a very, very important word with me and has very
specific implications and definitions.

This process of personal verification is not something that
can be done abstractly. It is a very real, immediate,
personal, intimate if not often a seemingly exceedingly
tedious and repetitive business. Involving the highest and
lowest (all, eventually) parts of ourselves. It must be
done as honestly and with as much sincerity as one can
muster towards one's self and one's aim for undertaking
such an inquiry in the first place.

As a result, we Gurdjeffians appear to be slow learners,
but what we know, we have discovered from ourselves. This
is why we often talk about ourselves and our observations
of ourselves. There are a variety of reasons for this, but
one primary one is that *you* are the only thing *you* can
be sure of (experientially). Our internal world is the only
thing that is *real* about us.

We see imagination as an enemy ... always waiting in the
wings ready to insinuate itself in place of true experience
and true understanding. This is not to say imagination is
not a useful tool *in its proper place*, but not as a
substitute for personal, practical experience. Many, many,
many people do not know the difference between the two.

What Aziz speaks of here may indeed be true for him - and
may be objectively true - I am not in a position to debate
this. It is not true for me, because my sense of I, my
awareness, has not directly experienced my soul, or my
spirit for that matter. Can I accept that such a structure
as mentioned here exists? If I understand that by accepting
this view (Aziz's) of how things are - I can be sure I
never will experience it - because *imagination* informs me
that I know this already, doesn't everybody know this? If I
have not sincerely attempted and put forth the effort to
experience my soul, put my sense of 'I' in it, and learned,
for myself, whether this is possible or not, *it is just
speculation*, empty talk.

Consider people from a Gurdjieff background as being from
Missouri - big time. (If you don't understand the cultural
reference we're polite, well maybe some of us aren't polite
- skeptics.)

Now, if I read Aziz's comments, and I notice that his words
have an effect on me, some sort of energy, some sort of
emotional impact, and I become aware of this process, and
have some control of my attention and what is going within
me. If I try to use my awareness to follow this inflowing
process 'upstream' as it were, within me, accepting and
acknowledging the energy as the Grace it is and being with
and experiencing it, but moving my awareness upstream as
much as it is possible for me, then I might begin to learn
something about myself that has personal value.

"Know Thyself." Inscription over the entrance to the Temple
at Delphi

"Nothing too much." The other inscription at Delphi - still
plays well as a koan.



MARCIA: I have a question. I have been pondering what it
means to not let the left hand know what the right hand is
doing. In this context, I see the left hand as day to day
ordinary consciousness and the right hand the silence you
address in your post; The I Am. How I experience it is this
left hand (personality, the machine as John Duff puts it)
just runs and if pointed in the right direction, it does a
pretty good job. "Hello, how are you? Do you want butter on
your toast or just jam?" It just gets into trouble when it
tries to take over. Good servant but terrible master. But
you can't let it know that it isn't the master. That is
where the trouble starts. The real master, the left hand,
is silent. But then what is the right hand doing? Does it
work for the Good? This is where I believe there is more to
this game than the mere recognition that who I Am is not
the left hand. Does this make sense? Speak to me. :-)

GENE: Marcia, in your capacity for pondering details, have
you looked into the 'theory of hermispherical dominance',
which is stated to be what is responsible for 'handedness'?

According to (certain people, among them neurological
scientists), our 'wholistic consciousness' is the product
of the interplay of the right and left hemispheres of the
brain, which itself is conducted through the 'corpus
collosum, the bundle of fibres which connect those

It is stated that the left hemisphere is equated with
'intellect' and the right with 'feeling'; in your own
parlance, that would be 'head' and 'heart'.

Between these spheres there is an ongoing conversation, and
in that conversation, there is one who is 'dominant' and
one who is 'passive'. The left or 'male' aspect is usually
the 'dominant' one, thus the prevalence of
'right-handedness' among humans; the right, 'feeling',
'heart' aspect is seen to be 'passive' or 'female'.

In this ongoing conversation (between thrusting Siva and
receptive Sakti) is the kernel of our personal and
collective 'realities'; and neither aspect can rest, as
long as the other is moving. If Sakti moves away, Siva must
follow, and if Siva moves, Sakti must move away. This
brings to mind the 'Tai Chi' symbol, the Yang always
chasing the Yin, into which the Yang longs to plunge for
the extinguishment of its ardor, finally to rest. And the
Yin is ever reaching for the light of Yang, yet always
retreating from it. It is the nature of each aspect to both
remain pure, and to long for union, at the same time.

And who is the one who sees all of this? This one can
observe, but can observe only what is inside of that one. I
offer that there is nothing outside of that one, and that
if that one perceives an 'outside', that it is right
looking at left, or left looking at right. It is Day
looking at night, as night eternally recedes before the
onslaught of day; and it is night looking at day, fleeing
that stark light which would excite darkness to boil away
into nothingness.

You are the child of Siva and Sakti; those two, when
interacting, create a third: One plus one make three. And
as that third, you exist in the realm which is a blending
of those two, which is (in physical corollary) analogous to
the tissues which connect the left and right hemispheres,
the 'corpus collusum'. You are the product of the
conversation between those two, and you embody both
aspects, Being both pursues and retreats, pursues that
which retreats and retreats from that which pursues.

If you draw an 'X', you can visualize the X as the
intersection between four squares; the X is the detail of
their points touching. Stepping back, we can see that the
four squares are themselves one larger square, arrayed like
a 'diamond', points up and down and left and right, and
projecting further, we see this square to be a cube. This
diamond is poised, balanced on a point, and is blessedly
unstable; it is this blessed instability which is our
exquisite sensitivity, our ability to respond, and also our
vulnerability to 'tipping over'. Woe be unto that one, who
seeks refuge in the stability of resting on the flat side
of nature.

Our movement is the rapid spinning of this cube on its
point-axis, glittering reflection of moving rotating facets
appearing to be a sphere; and our conversations are the
interaction of those jewels, connected through this net,
each apparent sphere a living node, jewels balanced at the
intersections, the whole net alive, yet in itself
nonliving, without each precious jewel-node. Our concern
for each-other, is our need to manifest a complete array of
nodes, thus to make the web whole and complete.

Wave after wave of influence sweep our net, each spinning
node swaying in response, and then regaining balance; wave
after wave of neuropeptides sweep the brain, each synapse
firing and then regaining poise, ready for the next wave,
and the next, and the next. As the child of Siva and Sakti,
you are able to move to the left (away) and the right
(toward), and then to regain poise; you 'have' both
aversion and desire, and in that dynamic, are able to
negotiate whatever comes as each wave.

This complex net, this cubed intersection of many
glittering points, appears of itself as a moving object of
three dimensions; within this large invisible non-living
net, at each intersection, the sway and spin each node, and
in their interrelationships, describe a movement which
gives the impression of a body of flesh; together,
corporate and apparently corporeal. It is easy to imagine
this as a moving body of colloidal (gelatinous) protoplasm,
but more difficult to imagine it Being arrayed on the
ancient bones of its own experience. So arrayed, it is able
to step out of our model, and take its place as a whole
participant in this ongoing Grand Ball. As it does so, it
imagines a Grand Ballroom, and reaches for the hand of the
Other Ideal Dancer.

Crystalline bone structure memory-crystal replicates and
transmits, with each shock, as a piezoelectric transducer,
and many such transmissions equal the corporate
wave-structure of the world-dream specific to our
species-dream ballroom; we dance, poised dynamically, as
wave after wave of neuropeptides wash through the air, our
projected orchestration, and we imagine a Great Conductor
waving a Baton Of Causality. This is the music of the
spheres, the joy of the spinning cubes, a gift of life,
without which, dead cubes rest on flat sides, inert and

Left and right, left and right, left and right we go;
toward and away, up and down, sometimes directly and
sometimes indirectly, lines and circles, seldom pausing, in
a broth of passion, breathing the vapors which are boiled
from the densities of momentary union, and this is fine,
this is 'just how it is'.

Each spinning cube, itself an 'X', compounded as the net of
jewels, moving as a corporate entity, is itself the Grand
Soul which we seek, but which We are, and none is greater,
and only All is This One, resting lightly on this skeleton
of crystalline experience, transmitting our corporate
experience as the attractive pheromone which materializes
the Other Ideal Dancer, which of course is the Other, our
fate and destiny of union, for this is our purpose, to be
alive and dance, and to be competent, and to thus prove in
our mating ritual that our individual cubes themselves, our
very genes, are themselves competent, for a competent whole
is representative of competent parts; and in this dance, is
spoken and enacted the two voices, the active and passive,
the pursuit and fleeing of Siva and Sakti, and in this
dance of negotiation is the negotiated union which gave you
the existence which you are; your parents danced, as did
theirs, and this dance is the intersection of every 'X',
the meeting of the up and down, left and right, in and out.
See X?

Seeing is Exceeding,

==Gene Poole




So what is it like to drown in the ocean after your ship

Up and down,
mostly I have to work,
moving my arms to stay up
just after the wave passes.
Otherwise, I taste salt.
Up and then way down,
into the taste of salt.
I head into the waves,
to avoid the taste of salt.
I watch the waves like a hawk
to avoid the taste of salt.
I hold my breath just when the wave
passes, so I can avoid the taste of salt.
Now and then
in spite of my care,
I taste the salt.
Treading water until I tire,
I wonder if the taste of salt
is what finally causes one to give up and drown...
No, I suppose it is more complex than that.
Crucifiction finally kills when the Christ is exhausted.
I suppose this is true here as well.
It's all about breath,
and yet what I fear is the taste of salt.
Oh yeah, so I am near this death,
I am something special...
I hear your praise,
and I wonder how it would
be to taste the final salt.
15 feet from the shore,
I fear the taste of salt.
I cannot breath with this fear
I cannot taste anything anymore.
The whistle blows
and I remember the taste of salt.
I walk onto shore with the obedience
of a good beach dog.
I spit out the taste of salt and
wonder what it is to breath.
I have no idea about death.

I am far too frightened of the taste of salt.


The Holy Fire

I seek only the Beloved, she who is truly Alive
My chaste heart can be content with no other.
I desire to be one with one whose longing
is so perfect she feels she is burning to death

I search for the Beloved whose Mystic Body is a Red Rose

In the darkness, the emptiness before time
In the formless, the vastness outside space
She it is who was begotten in calm deep waters
of the First Passion on the original night of love.

I search for the Beloved whose Mystic Mind is a White Rose.

In the brilliance, the fullness after time
In the unfolding, the dreaming inside space
She it is, who conceives in the calm deep waters
of pure consciousness, bears me and gives me life.

I search for the Beloved whose Mystic Heart is a Blue Rose

In midst of the dawning, the becoming of Something
In midst of the dusking, the returning to Nothing
She it is who will be, whose smoldering eyes are a mirror,
Will gaze upon me that I may know myself as I am.

I search for the Beloved who is the Rose without Thorns

I will gaze upon her and see myself for the first time
It will be me, whose electric eyes will shatter her,
In the middle of the night, the fullness of Nothing
In middle of the day, the emptiness of Something.

I search for the Beloved whose Mystic Heart is a Blue Rose

I will find her who will gave me life and lost me,
who drifts silently on the calm deep waters, she it is
I dream of inside space as I am unfolding myself
and with whom I will bring the brilliance to completion

I search for the Beloved whose Mystic Mind is a White Rose

Ours will be the Last Passion on the final night of love
She will recall she was begotten by me in calm deep waters
while dreaming inside space, in the unfolding
at the still center of time, in the brilliance.

I search for the Beloved whose Mystic Body is a Red Rose.

I am he who desires to be not two but one with she
whose perfect longing is burning us into white ashes
She whose pure heart can be content with no other.
She patiently awaits the arrival of her lost Lover.

I search for the Beloved who is The Rose without Thorns

I seek only the Beloved, she who is fully Awake
My Sacred Heart will accept no one but the Other
I seek only the Beloved, she who is truly Alive,
Her Sacred Heart will accept no one but the Lover.
I seek only the Beloved, she who does not slumber.
She who is free of dream and profane webs of obsession.
I seek only the Beloved, she who burns, as I burn, in Holy
She who would be swept, higher and higher, hand in hand,
body against body, lips against lips in an Immortal and
Sacred Kiss
into the love of Love, into Love enfolding Forever into Love
without limit.

I search for the Fragrant Aspect of She who is the Mystic

For long I have seen her likeness in the Image of Mary.
Now I meditate upon a refection in the Mirror of Mirabei.
Looking into Mira’s eyes I have learned Secret Wisdom.
The Lover seeking the Beloved I am and would be, I am not.
I am the Beloved gazing upon and reflecting the Beloved.
I who am one, am two, both Lover and Beloved, sweet paradox.
She, who is neither one nor two, is me. We, together, are
Without the Lover meditating upon the Beloved there is no
Without the Beloved meditating upon the Lover there is no

Until you understand this, you are less than a shadow in

Hail Mary, Blessed Mirror of our Silver Sorrow,
Sacred Heart of Jesus, Golden Chalice and Vessel of Love,
Beloved and Lover of all that is seen and unseen, known and
Divine Bride and Bridegroom, Bridegroom and Bride Divine,
Pray for us shadows suffering in the fire of your Divine

Mark Christopher Valentine
(August 29, 2000)

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