Jerry Katz
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Highlights #944

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Wednesday, January 9


After fifteen years at the Abbey of Gethsemani, Father Louis
Merton began to realize the complexity of his earlier desire
for sanctity. Becoming a saint for him meant, in some ways,
to realize the we are fools for Christ’s sake. He wrote about
this maturing realization in 1958 to his New York friend,
Catherine de Hueck Doherty. The following is from the Merton

“After so boldly advertising to the world that I was out to
become a saint, I find I am doing a pretty bum job of it...
But it certainly is a wonderful thing to wake up suddenly in
the solitude of the woods and look up at the sky and see the
utter nonsense of everything, including all the solemn stuff
given out by professional asses about the spiritual life: and
simply to burst out laughing, and laugh and laugh, with the
sky and the trees because God is not in words, and not in
systems, and not in liturgical movements, and not in

‘Contemplation’ with a big C, or in asceticism or in anything
like that, not even in the apostolate. Certainly not in
books. I can go on writing them, for all that, but one might
as well make paper airplanes out of the whole lot.”
(Catherine de Hueck Doherty, September 18, 1958)


JERRY: To me, the key to this paragraph is the phrase 'wake
up suddenly'. If that happens in any setting, whether it's
the woods or at the desk, he could have written that

ROBERT: Hello everyone, I am glad to start my conversatoin
with all who attend non-duality salon.

I am stationed in San Diego, CA. I am in the U.S. Navy. I
have been waiting to start this dialog for a while. So I will

JERRY: I lived in San Diego in the late 60's. I'd wake up at
3am and go downtown to all night theaters (the only movie I
remember seeing was Tom Jones), strip shows where they kept
their bottoms on, or eat subs at Vesuvio's. I was younger
than you and didn't know anything, but 3am eased my mind.

ROBERT: I agree that the key phrase in Catherine's quotation
above is, "wake up suddenly", and also that the paragraph
above could be written after the "wake up has taken place."

For those of you who have woken up, do you fall back to
sleep? I do.

I remember when I did wake up. It was when I was about 16
years old. I had clearity as though I was a crystal ball
where all information passed through me and from every
direction. I could percieve and see things in a way that was
ineffable. I felt like I was a part of the whole universe and
it was beating and alive like a living organism.

As time went on this awareness diminished and I....

Let me see if I can get this accross....

I fell back into my conditioned being and reasumed my
identity that I lived into thus far in my life. Which was
definately not an entirely aware being.....

I am 21 years old now and the great feeling I had when I
became aware is not with me now. In fact I have not had it
but a few times since then. Usually when being coached by
aware people.

Some times I wonder if it just because the excitement I had
after the ah ha has diminished, that I think I am not aware.
I often distinguish between those around me who seem more
conditioned than others.

One reason I am starting this conversation is to get back
into the conversation that exists today among aware people.
Why else? For some reason I don't think a why is required, in
fact, I am here and what ever comes from that can be called
what happens.

I look forward to hearing from anyone.

JERRY: I lived in San Diego in the late 60's. I'd wake up at
3am and go downtown to all night theaters (the only movie I
remember seeing was Tom Jones), strip shows where the girls
didn't strip all the way, or eat subs at Vesuvio's. They'd
serve them in a plastic basket with potato chips and one of
those great hot peppers on the side. I was younger than you
and didn't know anything, but 3am eased my mind. I loved the
moments alone, alone in the theater, in the back of
Vesuvio's, the grit and sleave of the strip shows. I loved
that. It cleared my head because it was the only time I was
able to forget hated college classes and the military draft
breathing down my neck. I'll never go back to the taste of
freedom I knew at 3am's in San Diego. It came at a price.
Your moment of clarity, I'll bet, came at a price. I could be
wrong, but I think it always does. A deep relaxation
balancing a stress. It doesn't sound like you want to chase
the clarity you've known in the past, yet I think maybe you
do. There are meditation methods that intentionally work a
person up and then get them to instantly stop. In the
stopping there is relaxation and clarity. It's a gimmick.
It's a strip show and you're the star!

-------------------------------- JERRY: Your moment of
clarity, I'll bet, came at a price.

ROBERT: It was more than a moment that I had this clarity. It
was a few weeks. It was like I continuously saw the program
that was manifesting, unfolding in front of my eyes moement
to moment. I hadn't much obstruction of my interpretation
because I was constantly idenifying it, not with it.

JERRY: You saw the program, but didn't master it, so it ate
you up again. Now you want another chance to see it.

JERRY: I could be wrong, but I think it always does.A deep
relaxation balancing a stress.

ROBERT: Very perceptive, I like that.

This makes sense. Up to the point in my life where I was
"asleep" I was a wreck... When I woke up, wich was at a
Landmark Educational program, I was deeply relaxed. It was
Summer break, I had a cake job as a deli supervisor's
assistant. I basically ate from a variety of foods all day
and observed the behavior of those who interacted with me
when I was buying food. I mean watched with out reservation
or agenda. After work I did leasurly things, like camp, fish,
and party!!

JERRY: interesting! Apparently Landmark is an encounter that
brings one to nondual awareness. I hear it's powerful and
highly recommended.

JERRY: It's a strip show and you're the star!

ROBERT: Would this be like saying I could put on any costume
I prefer? I am asking in this sort of manner because I have
learned and become aware by use of analogy, and I have used
somthing similar to what I stated above before.

There are times whe I realize this and times when I forget
and seem to fall back into similar patters, i.e. ways of
being. It seems, at least through my short time here, that
patterns develop inherently with life. It is natural. So,
that I fall in and out of conscious/awareness seems to be
pattern. I would like the pattern to turn into less of a
pattern and more of a steady consciously aware state. I love
being that. I love to wallow in unlimited possibility.

JERRY: you'll get another shot at 'the program'. But you need
the intent of a warrior. If you only want to be a tourist in
order to see the program, it won't show. You had your look.
Now you have to master it. You need to know what that means
and you need the right intent.

Have you read Carlos Castaneda's books? Seen The Matrix a few

ROBERT: Thanks for writing back so promply. I don't know why,
but I thought the last person to write me would be you. It
seems that you are a busy person.

JERRY: busy? yeah, i'm busy trying to get the Krispi Kreme
recipe out of the goddamned program.



Hi Robert welcome to the list. I am very excited to hear from
one so youthful on the topic of awareness.

I began writing a post last to you but I am glad I waited for
Jerry to write first.

It occurs to me that Merton in his words above seems to be
including his human imperfections as also part of his whole
awareness. This to me is a non dualist perspective. So to be
awake means to also include human vulnerability.

I felt like sharing with you a principle I have seen
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi write about - & that is alternation.
There seems to be a natural flow of alternation between non
localised awareness & the localised roles we play. In this
way higher states of consciousness evolve. So boundless
glimpses & a time of ordinariness & integration afterward to
alternate the two as one is a common experience in many.

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Jerry Katz
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The wind carves shapes into the beach sand

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