August 29, 2000
THE NONDUAL DAILY NUGGET
29: Kiss of God, by Marshall Stewart Ball, introduction
by Metta Zetty
August 28: The
Birdhouse, by Wayne Austin
August 25: The Only Practice, by
August 24: From Black Holes to
You, by Dave/Manchine
August 23: Thine Own Self: Part
Three, by Madhava K. Turumella
August 22: Thine Own Self: Part
Two, by Madhava K. Turumella
August 21: Thine Own Self: Part
One, by Madhava K. Turumella
Marshall thinks love will
take us to God. Would you go?
Marshall Stewart Ball
Introduction by Metta Zetty
first appeared in Awakening into Awareness
August, 2000. It is reprinted with permission.
Ball is a brilliant child who touches people's hearts
through a veil of silence. Although he can neither speak
nor walk and depends on others for physical help, he is a
constant source of inspiration and guidance for people in
matters of the mind and of the heart. Having been
evaluated in public school at a twelfth-grade reading
comprehension level at age nine, his capacity to think
and feel constantly amazes his teachers, friends and
family. Marshall knows the meaning and spelling of words
with which even his family and teachers are not familiar.
Even more amazing is the powerful impact he has on
everyone he meets.
Marshall's parents realized early on that he did not
think like an average child. He constantly wrote of love,
knowledge, freedom and God on his alphabet board. Since
1992 (when Marshall was 6 years old), he has completed
hundreds of pages of writings. _Kiss of God_ is a
collection of selected works, including letters written
to friends and family, answers to questions people have
asked him, and several writings he composed for the sole
purpose of teaching.
Marshall often writes about love and listening. His
writing style is unique and at times quite unpredictable,
but it will touch you deeply and open your eyes to the
simple truths of life. He refers to himself as a teacher,
and wrote: "Questions want good answers. With the
help of my family and dear friends, I have been able to
answer thoughts concerning old beliefs about questions
regarding why people are not happy. Answers come when we
are listening to beautiful poetry. When good thoughts
patiently come, questions are answered."
When I wrote to Marshall to request permission to quote
from his new book, he graciously replied:
"Good Marshall thanks you for giving that
Marshall Love to all.
That Marshall is caring grandly about you.
Marshall gives that sweet good love to you."
"That Marshall is giving you the good Kiss.
Would you give the teaching Kiss to others?
That Marshall thinks love will take us to God.
Would you go?"
Marshall's book, _Kiss of God_ may be ordered online
through his website, and he may be contacted at: Marshall
Stewart Ball P.O. Box 340045 Austin TX 78734
Remember Rooms Rest
Inspired by the music of Bach; written at the age of
"The wind changes direction.
There is lovely music that feels soft.
Marshall is there thinking
lornfully gorgeous thoughts.
I, listening marvelously
juxtaposed in wonderment
finding solitude near!
Sweeter moments are surrendered to their just rooms,
like some sweet lornful friends.
My pleasure is finding, beauty will have swoonfully
Soul might rest listening nicely!"
My Harmony Prevails to Free
"Even though my individuality finds sweet knowing
I listen for the answers to wishes from above. I listen
good thoughts like something cloudy over mountain tops.
Fine messages clearly govern my thinking. Feelings grow
harmoniously making Love possible. Harmony might justify
every marvelous idea given to Love. The seeing Marshall
hopes to free the hopeless. Dear harmony needs progress
governing fine thinking that I feel. I see harmony as
the final known answer."
"Real thoughts are good to share. I write words to
because pleasant feelings can change the righteous
person's thoughts. Listening, sometimes there is progress
made when thoughts find their home. Fine thinking reveals
marvelous freedom from the righteous person's
Choices Are Yours
"The now I give to a good thinker.
Go to feelings that give good to others.
You make the choice to think good or bad.
Real true thoughts go to happy givers.
Begin now to make good choices."
"Inside some clear, swift, gorgeous,
gentle, giving clouds
is some incredible true love.
Lovely, dear, golden,
good fine clouds emerge
from God's excellent teaching thought.
That gentle Love finds
there is true freedom in free clouds."
"I see myself as a teacher that knows about God.
Good thoughts come to me and they teach."
"Marshall has been here for millions of
"You are the thoughts of God.
Go to a good thought and you will know God."
"The growing thought learns to listen to God."
"Answers come when we are in our right place."
"Real comes when we love."
"That good thoughtful lovely person
grows love to make freedom reign."
"To judge another is to judge God."
"Destruction is the need to find being in
"Poetry is the magnificent kindness of the
"Understanding takes a dear good listening
"Kindness generates happiness."
"The hour needs your love.
Time takes us to a good thought.
Make time now to help others.
Giving good will make you happy.
Make a time to love all things.
The hour needs your love."
"Love pours, freeing me."
God forbid that you would
build a birdhouse or a life that doesn't look like
Ya know, I think
spiritual texts and "How to....", books have a
lot in common. They all hold out the promise if you do it
right and follow the instructions the outcome will make
you proud. Whether it be how to build a birdhouse or how
to become saved they both follow a similar set of
First off you have to buy the book. Of course you can try
it on your own but it is generally acknowledged that a
fool who attempts to build a birdhouse without expert
help won't be waking up any time too soon with the sound
of sweet chickadees in his ears, just the same as any
fool knows that without expert instruction in the
salvation department he might find himself heading south
when his goal was north.
So you set out to learn how to get to your final goal
with the help of your book. Right off the bat you know
you need help or you wouldn't have bought the book. God
forbid that you would build a birdhouse or a life that
doesn't look like someone else.
The book advises you to "gather materials" so
you hikes yourself off to the hardware store for wood,
nails and glue, or if you're trying to build a better
life you do a mental inventory to see how many people
you've hurt that you want to forgive and how you've
generally made a mess of trying to be like god.
With materials gathered it is now time to assemble them
so you read the first sentence in the chapter on
assembly: "Be sure you have all the materials needed
or your birdhouse will not welcome our feathered
friends." So you once again take inventory and find
that you forgot to forgive old Uncle Teabert for the time
he said he didn't think you'd ever amount to anything.
With that done you buckle down to work. The book advises
to only do so much at a time and to remember, "Rome
wasn't built in a day", and the longer and more care
you put into your birdhouse (salvation) the better the
results will be. If you pay attention you won't find
yourself with a bird house with its roof on the floor or
stuck in purgatory hoping like hell someone is praying to
get you out.
Finally the day arrives, the end of the book and tangible
results that you've been making progress. The birdhouse
looks pretty good and if you were a bird you'd certainly
live there. You've been feeling better spiritually too
because you've finished the lessons and forgave a lot
more people then you thought you were mad at when you
started. You sit there admiring your handiwork and turn
to the final chapter which says: "If your birdhouse,
(life), seems to have something missing or if it doesn't
look as good as the one Jesus the Great Birdhouse
Builder, built, turn to the first chapter and do it
again. Practice makes perfect." And so with a sigh,
you start all over again, determined that next time will
be the last.
Like I say, birdhouses and salvation have a lot in
common.......birds don't need a birdhouse and your soul
needs no saving unless, that is, you have nuthin' better
to do with your time.
Wayne Austin Website
By practicing effortless
contemplation you will develop the realization that the
self is empty of any inherent existence
contributed by Victor Torrico
This was an
email I received about a year ago from Joyce Short a
Canadian Dzogchen practitioner. --VT
Get comfortable and let mind and body really relax - no
need to sit in any strict meditation position - relaxed
in a comfy chair is fine. - Locate awareness in space and
then put attention on the breath flowing in and out quite
After a few minutes, cease to focus on any particular
object and practice "choiceless awareness",
simply observing whatever objects arise and pass in
Awareness. Notice the following about each object:
It is impermanent It has no existence apart from
Awareness, Itself. Being a form of Awareness, it is
transparent to it.
1. Without fixing attention on anything, just consider:
is there awareness of sights? is there awareness of
sounds? is there awareness of sensations? Is there
awareness of thoughts? is there awareness of feelings?
This very Awareness which is right here now, IS that
eternal, self luminous Reality that you have been
striving to realize all along. Since this Awareness is
already here, your striving is unnecessary.
2. Abandon all concepts about experience and simply
See how appearances arise in Awareness. Since whatever
appears is already present, how can it be avoided?
See how appearances pass in Awareness. Since whatever has
passed is no longer present, how can it be grasped?
See how everything appears in Awareness without the least
obstruction. Since nothing obstructs appearances, there
are no obstacles to be removed.
See how everything passes in Awareness without the least
hindrance. Since everything is self-liberating, there is
nothing to be set free.
Relax into this effortless contemplation of how things
3. Without making any adjustments, continue to observe:
Although you say, "forms arise in Awareness,"
can you really separate Awareness from its forms? is not
Awareness like an ocean and forms its waves?
Because Awareness and forms are ultimately inseparable,
duality never existed. How then can it be transcended?
Although you say, "I am aware of such and such
object," can you truly distinguish between yourself
and the object? Where does 'self" end and
Because subject and object are, in reality,
indistinguishable, delusion never originated. How then
can it be dispelled?
4. Look! reality is staring you in the face:
You say you cannot eliminate your 'self' but there is no
self to eliminate.
You say you have not attained "Enlightenment"
but there is not the slightest thing to attain.
you say, "I am ignorant of my true identity."
but how can this be? What else is there besides this
infinite, eternal, non dual field of Awareness-and -form
which is alreadty present, right here and now....and
Therefore, surrender all desire for attainment and just
be what you are" Awareness, Itself!
Do not grasp anything, do not reject anything...be
whatever is. "Enlightement" is not a place in
which to settle, nor is 'Gnosis' a state that needs to be
maintained. All experiences, all feelings, all
states-whether mundane or sacred are by their very nature
transient and ephemeral. Without maing an attempt to
either hold on or push them
away, simple remain identified with awareness, Itself and
continue to practice effortlessly.
By practicing effortless contemplation you will develop
the realization that the self is empty of any inherent
existence. Thus, while objects continue to appear in
Awareness, the delusion that they are being experienced
by some'one' will subside. This state of profound
selflessness or Awarenesss-without-a-subject is often a
prelude to full awakening. What is missing is the
complimentary realization that not only does the 'self'
lack any inherent existence, but so do objects.
Consequently, as long as objects seem to exist in their
own right there is no Gnosis. However, if you remain in
the state of Awareness-without-a-subject then as
Awareness-without-an-object finally dawns, you will
realize that the now vanished objects were, in
themselves, only imaginary projections of this objectless
Awareness. Furthermore, you will realize that your own
Awareness-without-a-subject is, in fact,
indistinguishable from (and thus identical to)
Awareness-without-an-object. In other words, you will
directly and simultaneously apprehend not only the True
nature of your "self" but the true Nature of
all 'objects" and 'worlds' - which is to say,
Awareness-without-an-object-and-without-a subject. This
is the end of the Path.
Be permissive with your
attention, and know the intent of its presence. Have
absolute faith that the intent is rooted in the joy of
Its own well being, Compassionate in discovery through
creation in you. Just go with it, what else is there?
Black Holes to You
A prelude from
Stephen Hawking's book, "Black Holes and
Baby Universes":"In my teens, I built model
airplanes and boats. My aim was to always produce working
models that I could control. This was also a part of a
drive that led me to invent a very complicated series of
games. There was a manufacturing game, in which units of
different colors where made, roads and railways on which
they were carried and a stock market. There was a war
game, played on a board of 4000 squares and even a feudal
game in which each player was a whole dynasty. I think
these games came from an urge to know how things worked,
and to control them. Since I began my Ph.D this need has
been met by my research into cosmology. If you understand
how the universe operates, you can control it in a way.
"I was sure that nearly everybody was interested in
how the universe operates, but most people can't follow
mathematical equations. I don't have an intuitive feeling
for equations, instead I think in pictorial terms, and
the aim in my book was to explain these mental images.
"There were two concepts in particular that I felt I
had to include. One was the so called sum over histories.
This is the idea that there is not just a single history
for the universe, rather, there is a collection of every
possible history for the universe, and all these
histories are equally real. The other idea, which is
necessary to make mathematical sense of the sum over
histories, is "imaginary time". Finally it is
not neccesary to understand exactly what "imaginary
time" is, just that it is different from what we
call real time."
In a Time Magazine review: "He has written
this book about the biggest question of all: Where did we
come from and where are we going? The answer that Hawking
proposes is that the universe is neither created nor
destroyed: It just IS. In order to formulate this idea,
Hawking introduces the concept of imaginary time. Still,
if Hawking is right, and we do find a complete unified
theory, we shall really know the mind of God." OK, now it's me speaking:
I made the scientific approach, much as did Stephen (just
not as famous :-) I used to take things apart, turn doll
buggies upside down and spin the wheels, fix the
mixmaster (and efficiently re-assembling it, using even
less components than the origin construction). I was an
inventor at age 10, the electric toothbrush was actually
invented in 1959, I just wasn't sure how to take out a
patent! I invented an electric bolt tosser, I could make
a bolt stick into the wall from 2 1/2 feet. Had to go
reset the curcuit breaker every time that I plugged the
firing coil into the wall socket. My mother didn't like
the black oxide marks on the wall sockets either!
Later, for about 8 years, I had my own company as an
inventor and inventor's consultant. Creation was a
marvel, seeing something come out of nothing. My company
had a logo, that hid a secret.
It was a single star... Well, you know my secret. Even
then I knew, but I really didn't understand. That star to
me now is more than I can ever imagine, yet I'm as
certain as I've ever been that the mystery and awe will
The "image" of that star is so misleading,
because it can only be an image from outside. A single
point, surrounded by nothing. Such a point cannot have
dimension, as you "approach", it remains the
same, seemingly unreachable. As you "recede",
it remains the same you cannot evade it. There comes a
moment when you have to face the only incongruity, that
"I" am not outside it. Being inside of it looks
like THIS here all around us. The same rules hold for
moving within a dimensionless "object". You can
neither approach nor recede "your bounds" at
If something moves me, or if I learn to move (in a
non-physical manner) I can become fixed in another
viewpoint, within which I seem physically mobile, but in
fact it is much akin to the first scenario where I cannot
approach or recede from the star, sort of like a three
dimensional parallel domain. "I" am one of
those fixed views, you are another one of those views.
Sort of like what Stephen Hawking was saying with his
"sum over histories".
Where were we, "inventing", "something out
of nothing". There is just so much truth to that.
Making something, some physical thing, out of nothing is
like what magicians do. When it's done, abracadabra,
1.2.3. then it's magic. When it's done using an
elaborated procedure, then well it's more real. Inventing
television was done using an elaborated procedure. Sure,
if some guy came from the year 1810 and you sat him down
in front of a TV and clicked your remote control, he'd
faint when you brought him to the flushing toilet to
change his pants! But to us, no big deal.
Now the scientists are using long elaborated procedures
to explain what we already know. Unified theory, humph,
that's peanuts! Nonduality, now there's the ticket!
Creation, taking things apart, discovery, seeking, how
ever you do it, it's all part of THIS.
I liked what (a writer said on NDS list) today, "I find there is that work of
vigilance, attentional work, and at the same time
complete trust in 'the universe' or 'source'. It has to
do its thing. That's part of the attentional work,
attending not only to the pockets of denser energy, but
to their source.... When the attentional work becomes
seamless, then perhaps it could be said one is
'pocketless'."All that I said previously
was very visual and hyperfocused, more as a warm-up
exercise, but I feel those exercizes sharpen the
attention, keep it alert and sensitive. Be permissive
with your attention, and know the intent of its presence.
Have absolute faith that the intent is rooted in the joy
of Its own well being, Compassionate in discovery through
creation in you. Just go with it, what else is there?
Once upon a time a poor
man was living in a village. One day he saw a very rich
man going on an elephant. This poor man desired that kind
of power. He wanted to become rich and he wanted to earn
Own Self, Part Three of Three
Madhava K Turumella
My teacher Swamini Saradapriyananda-ji used to write
"Thy own self" before signing off the any
letter. You want to find that signature please search for
her name in this Advaitin archives. As you may remember,
before she attained Mahasamadhi on April 17th she
participated in this list for a short period of time.
During the years 1986-87 when I approached her for the
first time in my life, I asked her once about the meaning
behind writing "Thy own self". Later I went to
live in the ashram to learn what it means at her lotus
feet. Consider the above subjected article is a humble
attempt to understand the great reality behind the
signature of the omnipotent "Thy own self".
Please do not hesitate to comment or correct.]
"tat padaM darSitaM yEna tasmai Sree guravE
My teacher told me "God is a circle which has got
center everywhere but circumference nowhere!" Then
who is this GOD! As a child, I am told by my parents that
GOD is very powerful! He can do anything. He will punish
if you do bad, and he rewards if you do good. Then I
wondered, "what is power? How do you define the
power which GOD has possess? How do you define the Good
and the Bad? How do you know which is Sin and which is
not?..." Not that I came to know the answers now,
but I am satisfied... I am satisfied knowing that the
"I" --- which has lived in every human --- who
walked in this presumed universe since time immemorial,
has set up the rules, has defined what is power, has
defined what is called as the original sin, has defined
what is good and has defined what is bad. The
"I" which has lived long back is also living
now, and will live for ever. The "I" in my
great-great-grand-father kindled the "I" in my
great-grand-father. The "I" in my
great-grand-father has kindled the "I" in my
grand father, and my grand-father to my father and my
father to me, myself to my siblings... It is the life
which is kindled. The life that lives for ever... Then
where is the beginning of this "I"? Upanishads
answer that "He wanted to become many"...
(tadaikshata bahusyAM prajAyEyEti)...
The science of vedanta is always considered as the Royal
Science (Raja vidya), as aptly named in Bhagawad Gita.
Because it talks about the The King, the "I"
the first person singular, the most powerful in his own
kingdom! Though everybody knows about the existence of
this "I" in them, nobody talks about it,
because nobody would like to face the harsh reality of
existence. Though everybody is blessed with a
philosophical intuition, nobody talks about it and keep
it as a great secret! Something is considered as secret
as long as it remains in the heart of its creator, the
moment it goes out of the creator's lips, it is no more a
secret but a gossip.
In deed, I know about my own weaknesses, better than
anybody else does! But do I dare talking to everybody
about my weaknesses? I am afraid what will happen to *my*
image after I reveal about my weaknesses! I read
somewhere "Do not tell people how bad you are, they
may presume that you are too bad and revealing only a
little bad about yourself! AND do not tell good about
yourself because people may mistake that you are
boasting..." Any attempt which you make to reveal
about yourself will get repercussions, that is why nobody
would dare talk. Neither I, nor anybody would dare
talk... That is a royal secret (Raja guhyam), as aptly
named in Bhagawad Gita.
Everybody maintains their royal secrets, most of the
people keep secrets which they carry to their graves,
they dare not tell even to their own wives... Why is this
situation? It is because of the image which the
"I" creates and maintains! Sometimes this image
turns out to be absolute pretense. I know people who
pretended that they are very rich and committed suicide
when they knew that their reality is going to be busted!
I would call them masked humans, it is an iron mask
clamped by the order of the royal "I".
There was a mad man who lived in a small village. He went
in to the village and told to all the children that a
rich merchant, who is living in that village, is
distributing sweets. All children ran in anticipation of
eating sweets. The madman also ran along with them. The
children finally reached the merchants place to find that
there are no sweets being distributed. It was an absolute
lie. Then they asked the madman "why did you come
with us though you know that it is a lie!". For that
the madman replied "after listening to your
excitement I also felt that sweets are really being
distributed". Everyone like this madman creates a
desire, and run along thinking that it is going to be
satisfied. Did you ever wonder what is desire and how it
gets satisfied! Anyway, the harsh reality is that a human
can not live with out an image. How ever false it may be,
there should be an image.
The "I" having covered itself in the image,
falsely thinks like the madman... It never realizes that
it has created the image! I have seen people who claim
themselves posing some powers, in reality they are not,
they know at least some people living in this world would
know the truth. But these some people are quite rare and
these rare people don't care what that pretending person
is doing... Hence, the sham of that fellow continues.
Actually, we have to look at the "I" behind the
pretending human. It is an "I" hiding in the
false image of a guru posing powers. Here I am trying to
point out that everybody will maintain the image. The sad
thing is by creating a devil called image, they get
caught and they live in it for quite long, till they get
bored with that image.
Once upon a time a poor man was living in a village. One
day he saw a very rich man going on an elephant. This
poor man desired that kind of power. He wanted to become
rich and he wanted to earn money. He tells the guru that
he wanted to become a very rich man. Guru blesses him and
this fellow becomes a rich man... Look behind this story.
What this tells us? There is an "I" which has
looked at its own image and compared itself with the
image of an "I" which is considered rich! The
"I" in the poor man *desired* that he should
get the rich image that "I". Both the rich man
and the poor man never recognizes their own self, but
they recognize their outside image. They never look
inside... They never look at the "I" which is
surrounded by the image, rather they look at the image
Very few people realize this pretense. They try to go
beyond the image, which is nothing but the outbound
vision of the "I". Instead, they try to look
behind the image, they turn their vision entirely
inwards. "AvRUtta chakshuH, amRUtatatva miccan"
--- desiring liberation they turn their vision inwards.
They find the root, they find that it is "I".
They moment they realize that "I" which is
hidden behind an image, they also realize that the very
same "I" is hidden in every being in this
world. That is called "samadRUsti" and that is
the real yoga.
sarva bhootasthamAtmAnaM sarva bhootAni cAtmani eekshatE
yOga yuktAtmA sarvatra samadaRSanaH || Gita 6-29 || With
the mind harmonised by YOGA he sees the Self abiding in
all beings, and all beings in the Self; he sees the same
everywhere. Such a realized person alone will enjoy the
fruits of yoga. He alone can enjoy the bliss which such a
wonderful state of equilibrium can bring! Indeed, it is
the duty of every human to know their own self!
'I' can witness 'I' as
the world, only when 'I' is devoid of events
Own Self, Part Two of Three
Madhava K Turumella
darSitaM yEna tasmai Sree guravE namaH"
The jeevabhava the Royal "I" in every human is
deeply involved in a pastime. This is a pastime of life
and death. Every birth is a new game and every death is a
goal. Game played again and again, leads the life to the
perfection --- the life which is perfectly divine! Each
life is an event between birth and death. The moment you
open your eyes it is birth, and the moment you close your
eyes it is death.
Life is a bridging gap between birth and death... Each
life teaches a great lesson. The "I" creates
the life and he learns from it... Strange... isn't it?
The creator himself is learning from the created. Man
creates the events in his life, he learns from the
experience. Just like a spider creates all the ropes from
it's own belly, in order to design the web where it can
live, the royal "I" creates all events where it
can perfectly dwell in. It creates an event called
friendship where it invites friends in to its fold. It
creates an event called marriage where it invites certain
individual to live next to it for the life. Each event in
turn leads into another event, which in turn makes the
"I" busy... "I" becomes so busy that
it does not even realize that it is creating all this...
Instead, it starts playing along with the events,
haplessly getting dragged by them --- it cries for
help.... Help which is nowhere to be seen. Who can help a
spider, if it gets caught in its own web! He who has
designed it only knows how to withdraw from it.
Unfortunately, we never understand that every
"I" the king, is the creator of all these
events, he can very well unlock the mystery if he wanted
Imagine you are looking in to the mirror, who can make
your mirror image real to you? The simple answer is you.
As long as you stand in front of the mirror, the mirror
shows your image. The world that you perceive is the
mirror reality of the witnessing "I". As long
the "I" wishes to remain in front of the world,
it witnesses all the events... Now you may question, why
can't "I" witness the "I" in the
world, if the world is nothing but the mirror image? the
answer is that "I" is again nothing but the
events hence you see the events and you can't see
"I" which is hopelessly lost in it's own
When you stand in front of the mirror fully dressed, you
can't expect the mirror to show the naked
"You". It can't because it is not designed such
a way. Here is the folly: The "I", having
created a life full of events and got hopelessly
entangled in to it, thinks that the world is looking
plural! Get rid of those events, like getting rid of
clothes, you can see the real you... "I" can
witness "I" as the world, only when
"I" is devoid of events. When you listen to the
great Seers who proclaim that "You are that",
you naturally tend to get excited, in that excitement you
go home. Next day morning you start meditating but you
can not find anything... You may question, is that real?
Is the Nondual state real? How do I know? Your question
is genuine but the answer you can't expect, because
simply the question you are putting is also an event...
The "I" has to be intelligently dichotomized
from the events it has created.
I learned from my teacher that the "I" the king
rules his kingdom establishing 4 circles. You can view
the chart at the following link: http://www.egroups.com/files/advaitin/ichart.jpg
Carefully view the chart. The "I" which is in
the center is having his family in the first circle. In
circle 2 he got friends. And in circle 3 he got his
enemies. Circle 4 is very big, it encompasses the whole
world! Let me give you an analogy... Please keep looking
at the chart and imagine...
Imagine that "I" have a Son. He is very dear to
me, "I" am too possessive that "I"
would never allow anybody to touch him. "I" am
feeling very happy that he is growing up very good.
"I" felt happy that he is the sports champion
in the college. "I" felt very happy the day his
photo appeared in the paper saying that he is the best
Athlete in the county... "I" am proud that
"I" am his father... "I" felt very
happy He finished his graduation. Life is going on and
"I" am very much comfortable with the life.
"I" am happy that "I" have achieved a
lot of wealth. "I" am happy about my family,
about my fame, about my job, about my surroundings. One
day a disaster struck... My son called up from his work
place and said "Daddy! I would like to speak to you,
can I have some private time in the evening".
"I" was happy that he wanted to meet me and
talk to me. "I" agreed to meet him, unknowing
what kind of terrible thing is in store for me...
In the evening "I" was sitting in the lawn. My
son came and sat. He started telling that he loved a girl
and he wanted to marry her. "I" felt shocked.
Because "I" wanted my son to marry my childhood
friend's daughter. "I" gave my word to my
friend (he is in the 3rd circle in the chart). Anyway,
"I" wanted to know this girl's whereabouts! I
enquired. But "I" was horrified to know that
she is the daughter of that wretched fellow, whom I hate
so much that "I" never wanted to face him in my
life. He was my classmate while I was doing my
graduation. We were friends then.. (he was in the 2nd
circle!), but he insulted me saying that I am born in a
low-class family. That time onwards "I" started
hating him. Oh God! I hated him so much but never
expected that my son will fall in love with that
miserable dirt! "I" decided and told my son
that "I" can't allow him to marry her...
(Obviously, you know that she is in the 3rd circle along
with her blessed father)
My son was very upset to know that "I" am
against his decision. He replied thus: "father,
"I" don't care whether you like her father or
not, "I" am in love with her and "I"
shall marry her. If you wish you could come and bless us.
Otherwise - GOODBYE".
That very moment, "I" started hating my son
too... After all these years, "I" spent my days
and nights to bring him up. "I" spent my own
leisure time, in order to work extra hours, in order to
cover his medical expenses, his athlete gear... Finally
is this what "I" get as a result of my
affection. I HATED MY SON and "I" vowed that
"I" shall never see him again. (He is instantly
transferred from my 1st circle, where my family stays, in
to the 3rd circle where my enemies are...)
That done. Days, weeks, years passed by.... Time has
taken its toll on me. "I" have become too old.
One day my family doctor finally gave the notice to me.
He said that my days are numbered. "I" may die
any time... "I" felt quite sad... quite
miserable. "I" started remembering GOD... I
started reading Bhagawad Gita... I started thinking of
all the good days I spent in my life... I wanted to see
all my children. OH GOD! "I" started missing my
dear son, who left me for that wretched... wait a
minute... why should "I" hate her? After all,
she is not responsible for her father's mistake.
"I" realized what a fool "I" am.
Actually, why did "I" hate even her father? I
I asked my wife to give a call to them. But even before
the call is initiated, I could see that my son has
arrived knowing my situation. He came to know that I am
not going to live for long... I saw my grand children, I
saw my daughter-in-law, I saw her father --- who is my
enemy. And "I" embarrassed them all... I whole
heartedly accepted them all in to my inner circle.
(Immediately, all the people so far living in my 3rd
circle have been transferred in to my 1st circle)
AND "I" DIED, ONE DAY FEELING VERY HAPPY THAT
EVERYBODY IS SURROUNDED ME.... End of story.
Look at the chart
http://www.egroups.com/files/advaitin/ichart.jpg again! There is an
"I" attached to all characters in this story.
Imagine the "I" in everybody. You can clearly
see the relationship that the "I" maintains
with the world.
appears here tomorrow
Each meditation is a
game, removing all obstacles you reach the edge... and
you bounce back... It is like a water pond, you are a
ripple trying to reach your source, you hit the source
you bounce back...
Own Self, Part One of Three
Madhava K Turumella
darSitaM yEna tasmaiSree guravEnamaH"
Every human is a king of his own inner kingdom! The thing
that we call as human is an abstract being. When we deal
with any human, we are subtly dealing with the individual
self --- the Ego! In sanskrit this is called as Ahamkara,
also called as JeevabhAva.
I wonder whether you ever peeled an onion! When you start
peeling an onion, taking off every sheath, one after the
other, finally nothing remains in your hand, because all
the onion consists is an array of sheaths. Same way,
human also consists of sheaths visible/invisible! That is
the reason why I said human is an abstract being. The
Physical body which consists five sense organs and five
organs of work; The mental body and the casual body all
these are sheaths of human.
A person may look dark at his physical body level due to
his skin complexion. If anybody, who deals with this dark
skinned fellow, discriminates him saying he got dark
complexion then that person could be identified as
dealing with the Physical sheath of human! A person may
be a great writer, he may have written wonderful stories,
which are quite enchanting. Imagine any fan of him, they
are all in adoration towards the storywriter's mental
body. A writer is another abstract being, called human,
who is imagining things at his mental body level and
writing. Same way a scientist might get name and fame due
to his intellectual prowess, still when somebody deals
with him, is really dealing with his mental body. This is
how we involve ourselves with the world.
I question "do you know me"? If your answer is
"Yes of course! You are Madhava" then you are
wrong! If you answer is "Yes you are so and so, born
so and so, working as so and so., husband of so and so,
father of so and so." then also you are wrong.
Perhaps, my question could never be answered, "Do
you know me?". Then I wonder "Do I know
you?", if I presume that you are all so and so, then
I am wrong. Perhaps, this question can not be answered
now... "Who are you?". Neither I know myself,
nor I know you. Neither you know me, nor you know about
yourself. We all identify each other with the help of the
sheaths. The funny thing is that I identify myself with
my sheaths and act in the world. If I don't identify then
I can't act. I identify myself as a computer professional
and I work. I identify myself as a husband, as a father,
as a son, as a brother and I act accordingly. But then
"who am I" who is putting on such wonderful
act! I should be an actor then, yes I am, and the world
is my stage, all fellow humans are my co-artists.
Everybody has his or her role to play, and I have my own!
During the times of deep meditations we get rid of all
other sheaths, or forms of identifications, and reach to
a state where we confront our own Ego. We don't know how
to transcend it, we stop there and get amazed with the
play that the Ego is putting on with the world. We stop
to marvel at the power of the Ego, which is the
commander-in-chief, the Ego the king. We fall in trap
with the Ego and fall back. This is exactly where we come
ut of meditation. Did you ever wonder what forces you out
of meditation? Imagine you sat for meditation, after some
time the alarm goes off, you get up and attend your
ablutions. Is that the alarm, which has forced you out of
meditation? NO! It is the Ego, which forced you out of
meditation. It says "Hey! You can't sit in
meditation for long because you got to do so and so work,
you got to go for a walk, you got to fetch the
milk." The "I" keeps certain tasks at hand
in order to go into meditation and gets out of the
meditation recalling all those tasks. Imagine if you have
nothing to do and then you went to meditation, then you
can stay there comfortably for some more time, yet you
will come out of it because then your Ego forces you out
in order to perform the bodily functions, hunger, thirst
Did you ever wonder about the color of the Ego? Yes,
there is a color to the Ego, it is Gold, pure Gold. An
attractive Yellow color, reaching which you are forced
back from meditations. It is rare that one can encounter
ones own ego in meditations, but it is possible. But the
moment you reach that state you start crying, you go in
to ecstasy. You are like a tennis ball and It is like
reaching a wall, hitting which you bounce back. Each
meditation is a game, removing all obstacles you reach
the edge... and you bounce back... It is like a water
pond, you are a ripple trying to reach your source, you
hit the source you bounce back...
All our great seers have cried to transcend this Ego.
They begged for the help of their most dearly deity so
that they could get out of it. For example in our
Esopanishad the Seer requests the SunGod to remove the
veil, which is in golden color, which is veiling the
truth. (pushan tvaM apAvRuNu satya dharmArtha drushTayE)
Let us see how the I is playing all this wonderful
Part Two will be published tomorrow
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