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Jerry Katz
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Nonduality Salon (/ \)


Sharlene Lindstrom

(excerpts from Mailing List submissions)

Now I shall write a book about my

life as an onion. But what could I say. What I have experienced or even the

layers that peeled away, are totally unknown by me. I can not sit and tell

you what parts have gone, if they have gone, I can not label them with

words. I am not physically different. I can look back and see in the mind

that which I was as a child, as a teen, as young adult and as I am today,

and the me I find looking back at me , has never changed. There are no

layers to see.

All is Divine. There is no separation, no dual concepts, no you and I, no

good ,nor evil. My essence mingles with your essence and we are one, We

are not a part of the whole, we are the whole. We ride the wave together.

Forget enlightenment.

Forget path. Forget goal. Forget beliefs.Forget the search .Forget

attainment. Forget everything you have learned. Just be.

I was down town watching some

performers in an on street stage as a part of the celebrations. Part of the

way through

one of the local pan handlers happened to want to cross the street to join

his friends on the other side. This man, very seldom hits the same person

up twice but remembers those that give and always greets you with a smile,

a warm hello and offers a word or two about the weather. Some nice(?)

member of the establishment decided (in the best interest of others?) to

escort him across. I heard his friend ask why he did that, the man offered

in reply... "because I didn't think the people watching should be bothered

by his begging."

The man he escorted caught my eye, and he smiled and winked at me, knowing

I was watching, and I returned that smile. We both knew what drama was

being played out and he allowed the "good" citizen to do his thing. Wise

men come in all kinds of packages, from all walks of life. The beggar was

far more centered and in tune with the universe than the man that had to

protect others from what may have a been a exchange or experience for

further growth. Who are we to judge - who are we to take upon ourselves to

protect or to fight anothers battle- who are we to interfer with others

opportunity to teach or learn? We always seem to learn best, from those

that rock the boat. It is up to us to detach or discern what we must. When

opportunity is taken away from us, we are being robbed of that learning, no

matter how cruel or how kind, its all a matter of perception. The

opportunity to respond or react. Serenity is what we have after we work

through the pain. By protecting others, we are taking away that opportunity

to experience that serenity within themselves. How long it takes is

personal choice.

I am one that lived with an anger so powerful that I was actually ready to

stab my ex-husband. It would have been so easy. Is that spiritual or what?

Laughing. I scared myself so bad that I had an instant session with my

counsellor. Through that I was able to work with it, see where it came from

and express it freely before I could let it go. If I had suppressed it, I

would probably be in jail as we speak. I was never so afraid of myself in

my life and never knew I was capable of such a strong anger before.

I had to work it out with myself, but had the support of a wonderful First

Nations counsellor, that experienced that inner rage before herself and

knew what it was all about. I don't know if anyone can help anyone else

until they have lived through that experience and felt it first hand. No

amount of book learning can prepare one better than on hands learning.

Education is not just from a school but from life itself.

I learned that what I had experienced was NORMAL (?) under those

circumstances. And there was no need for guilt.

This was a couple of months before I left without notice. I was told that

if I didn't leave, between his anger and mine, God knows what could happen.

And no, this was not anything that I had to work out as a child, or a

teenager or anything other than the energy of that relationship.

Anger is scarey, anger and fear go hand in hand, I was wise enough to go to

someone for help to release it. There are many ways of releasing anger and

I had to use everyone before I finished working it through.

After this last week, while I was away, I once again put myself in the

direct line of fire with him again, in person, I had to see what reaction I

would have to his anger now, and it was good, I could see the drama being

played, and was aware of the feelings that were inside me. At one point, I

felt anger but was intune enough to walk away saying, No, I am not getting

into that, and refused to continue that line of conversation.

It took about ten minutes and I could continue once again as he had time to

settle down as well. It was a nessessary visit for me to make,

and I gained a great deal of understanding of the whole marriage, where the

trouble began, why it began and why it never got resolved.

This may not be important to anyone to do for themselves but for me, it

was, It was a time to let go, a time for the love that was there at one

time, to shine through, we could at last connect on a different level.

We are at peace with each other, even though we continue to work on

ourselves as individuals.

Anger is just an emotion, that tells us we are not happy with something or

someone, because we see a part of ourselves in that other person.

When I hear a couple exchanging verbal abuse, I no longer feel anger for

them or anything other emotion other than compassion. Getting to the point

beyond denial, - I saw that in me, I learned we are all capable of all

emotions, all fears, all feelings....... just because we haven't

experienced them yet, doesn't mean we are not capable of having them...and

thats the part that makes us angry and afraid. All fear, all anger is from

within and we transfer that unto others actions.

Thats is why we need to be aware of how we react, and or respond to any

given situation. each one is an experience for learning about ourselves.

We never get rid of anything, it is always there, but being aware of it, we

can get beyond that reaction, if we are centered, and grounded and totally

intune with ourselves.

If one person can say to me that they are totally beyond those things, and

not just controlling them, then I will celebrate another Xmas or wait for

three days at their grave to see them rise again. To say we are beyond

them, just has yet to experience the situation where they fear that strong,

or angry enough to do anything. That includes lifting cars off a loved one.

Anger and fear as also the basis for miracles to happen.

And I have rambled on enough, exposed enough of myself, I have learned many

things, and have alot more learning to do yet. But I can say, I am now at

peace with who I am , and I can embrace my emotions and am aware of them to

work them so they don't control me like they used to. What more can I ask

for, ... just do the best we can, we with what we got, at this moment in

time. One day at a time, one moment at a time, and the need for emotions

dimishes quite rapidly.

,,,, Gurus and sages,,,,,,,,Tell me who is named that ? And why a label.

There are no labels , no names in the IAM, so why do we need them at any

time. To let go and let be,,,,does not mean to cling to something, no

beliefs, no restrictions, no limitations, no gurus and no sages,,,,,,

But we can have tea with gentlemen of leisure from time to time,

Truth is truth,,,,, we are all beginers in the process,,,,everything and

everyone is constantly changing,,,,when someone can say " they have

arrived.." They are "here" ...... "I am there" then they are not. Opinion

and thought got in the way, and they are no longer there / here,,,to be

IAM is no thought,,,no words,,,,,no judgement,,,,,,,no labels,,,,,it just


if there is a sage or a guru on here,,,,,,introduce me please,,,,,,never

had the honor of bowing before someone before,,,,,,,

We are always on the path, whether we realize it or not. We were reborn

into to every experience for more learning, I spent hours and days

looking ofr something I could be apart of......I wanted to be one of group,

to say I BELIEVE IN ?....This is my path,,,,,,but..nothing felt right to

me.Most were to limiting,to restricting, to much ritual, to many

whatevers.....I found no group or organization that just taught awareness

and expansion of self, without restriction or a need to believe,,,,,,That

just did not leave me anything to belong to,,,,As a result -I felt more

alone than ever,,,,Then ,,I bought a computer,,,,this opened up a new

world,,,,I joined the Bridge mailing list,,,met all kinds of people. Out of

the two hundered or so that were on the list ,,,,there were a handful that

I felt drawn too,,,,,mostly because of their sense of freedom, and I could

relate to what each of them

were saying,,,,,and though they taught or spoke in different ways

,,,,,,each one said the same thing,,,,,,They won my heart so to speak......

When I reached my crash point,,,,they were there ,,,,not to hold my hand

but to walk beside me as I crawled through the dark period..

I give thanks every day that I was led to them,,, Out of the two hundred

people , EJ, Sandeep, Lobster, Einar, Bruce , all offered their wisdom, and

support...I don't idolize them,,,,put them on pedestals,(wouldn't want them

to fall off ) but I sure do love them . That is all I can offer

them,,,respect and love,,,,and they gave me so much more,, ( emotional

moment here guys-shhh)

I spent alot of my time on Light Mission reading, learning,,,and trying to

get a grasp on what I felt , or was looking for...It taught me that all I


was already available to me, by going within, working on myself, and healing,

Am I there yet? No,,, still having moments of crawling and throwing

tantrums,,, every so often moments of realizations come through and it feels

right,,, moments of bliss and moments of connection,,,,,,I learned to let

of expectations,,,,I try to live in the moment,,,,and to me , that's the big

lesson for me,,,,,staying in the moment and not projecting or regressing, I

may be wrong,,,,but I find by staying in the moment as much as

possible,,,there is nothing I need, nothing to crave, nothing missing,

nothing to fear, nothing to gain,,,,,it just is.....and I just

am......Every moment of my life,so far, has led me here,,,,,just to write

these words in this moment,,,It may not sound like much,,,,,,but to

me,,,its a blessing to have the freedom of speach,the freedom to

express,,,,and the freedom to share,,,,,

And by staying in the moment -

I don't give to much advise,,,,,if any---but as I said, my truths are in

the moment,,,,,stop the search,,,,,let go of expectations,,,and live every

moment as it happens,,whether you label it good or bad,,,,,its all we have....

Stop,.........stand still,,

nothing,,,,,,,,,,,say nothing,,,,,,,,,,,,,think nothing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

There you are,,,,,,,you have it ,,,,,,,,,everything and

nothing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,stay in the moment ,,,,there is nothing else

.......nothing to achieve,,,,,nothing to seek,,,,,

What are you looking for,,,,,all the if only's ,,,,so when you get tired of

running in circles,,,,you can look back and say,,,,,,if only I did

nothing,,,,I would have it all ?

Should I be in such a hurry?

Hurry to what? from what? Hurry towards what you are running from or too?

IF enlightenment isn't where you are standing,,,where will you look.....

I did all the hurrying for you already so relax,,,,,,,

Or, are the so odds stacked against spontaneous awareness?

No, spontaneous is only in the moment,,,,,,one spontaneous moment after

another,,,,,,,if you walk to quickly ,,you miss them all.

Gregg did not answer.......And that is the correct answer,,,For there is no

Gregg......Gregg is just a label we use to indentify him in the 3D plane of

existance,,,,,,, Gregg is but an illusion,,,,,,and illusions come and go at


So whatever or however you indentify yourself ,,,makes no difference,,,,,

Whats in a name? Now the Kabbalarians may argue that point ,,,,,,

Good question to ask,,,,,,did you find an answer other than IAM.........

Every encounter

or experience we have is an opportunity for attentive work. It is not

something that we have to sit down and intentionally do, It is intentional

that we observe our intention in every action. It is also only intentional

until it becomes a natural part of our existance, It is also known as being

awake and aware, This is also being aware of the distractions but not

being drawn into them, If we are drawn in, then be aware of that situation

also . If we are in the moment, there is no such thing as distractions,

but just a new -now - experience to observe,

We do not need methods ,,,,,,we need just to observe,

Again and Again

Again I break, leaving past behind,

My will been given into thine-

Again I break, disolving pride,

Hurts and fears-streaming wide-

Again I break, again I die,

Releasing bonds- again I fly-

Again I break- love streaming free,

You,and they, becoming me -

Again I break, grab the wheel,

Take control- drive by feel-

Again I break, again I see,

The hardship I have caused for me-

Again I break, leaving all desire,

To stand before the inner fire-

Again I break, to face confusion,

And leave behind, all disillusion-

Again, and again, I shall go,

Till all above, is- as below-


Sexuality is something we all have. How

many are and can say that they are totally comfortable within their own


How many are so in touch with themselves that sex is no longer an act or

action that proves they are a sexual being? How many can get beyond the

physical satisfaction of a physical orgasm and reach the

spiritual connection to the IAM.

Anyone can or has had sex to find a fulfillment or ease the feeling of

lonliness, only to be disappointed and be left feeling even more empty then


There is a difference between a sexual orgasm for satisfaction or release,

then to reach an orgasm through total connection on a soul level,

It is been said to me;..........And the author will remain

anonymous,,,,,,,I am no good

in bed, so I need to have some "metaphysical stuff" in the relationship to

cover up.

What is your immediate reaction Shar, Hot anger?

Anger? Immeditate anger? No, one of sadness, One of thought,,,,another

search into self to find the depth of this statement to see if it rings

true or not,,,,,,,,,

Being good in bed, is not the issue. being good in bed is a matter of

perspective...If being good in bed means doing things that produce a

physical orgasm, then I can be dam good, If satisfaction in the physical is

first and forefront importance of the action. I can preform actions to give

an orgasm while I play a computer game, if that is all there is to it, But

it isn't,,,,,,it goes deeper than that, Sex is an

act,,,,,,,,,making, being, and sharing love is another story, We may live

in a fantasy world of own own making, thinking that there is more to a

relationship based on good sex. A good relationship is one that

connects on many levels, We can have more satisfaction in a trip to town

with a friend than we can have in bed with someone that performs a sexual

action. we can feel more of a connection to our center when we recieve a

hug from

a baby or child, then we do from someone that is only doing it for their own

benefit of what could come next, How many try and find that fulfilment

through another through sex, then they do by finding within themselves.

If two people can come together , complete within , then what they can

share between them is a spiritual connection,

One can not find completion in the bedroom, one can not find the self in

the bedroom. unless that connection is there through intimacy, openness,

honesty, trust and total abandonment,,,,,

One can still be lonely and alone, no matter how many orgasms they have,

And one can be totally satisfied and complete within a relationship where

sex is no longer possible physically,

Society has placed too much into sexuality, Turning it into a brown

wrapper thing and associating it with or in conjunction with fantasy or

pornography. Sexuality is being

totally comfortable with who you are , as you are, No matter what gender,

or sexual preference,

I have reached a point in my life, I am no longer afraid to be a sexual


to share a sexual encounter, to become "naked" in any way,,,,, but I do love

myself and accept myself to the point , to say,,,,,that if I can not

connect to someone on other levels, then what is the point of

just having sex with someone to attain orgasm, Orgasms are literally a dime

a dozen,,,,,,or free, you can do it alone, or you can do that with

someone else, what does it accomplish? What closeness does it bring you to

you -- your true self?

To get beyond that physical sensation and reach the depths of that ocean,

to reach the height beyond the sky,,,,to become one with all there is. This

is the point of ecstasy. bliss, This is true intimacy. This is connection

to the soul,,,

This is the extent of my worth, this is the gift of me to

you, and you to me,

To me this is sexual freedom, This is the ultimate orgasm, Why should I

settle for less, ?

This is my truth.

What is yours?

Most are not aware of the fact that we are being distracted,,,,,,only

that we have been,,,,,,,,

For me,,,,when I can, I stay grounded, centered, and in the flow of that

connected energy to source,

How ? At first by daily ritual......of clearing and cleansing my

aura,,,,gathering the bodies together, the etheric, emotional, physical,

and mental, by visualization, I ground through connecting rods, and connect

to the source through the crown chakra, having both the grounding energy

and source energy flow through me. I also hug trees when I can. I take

mental stock of where I am and do a quick pass through of those things, I

am also being more aware of when that connection has been broken and can

usually deal with that, IF not , I yell for help,

First we have to be there(grounded and centered),,,,,before we can be aware

of intent....if not , we are only aware of thought and not the inner

connection to self.

Thought is replaced with focus , focus becomes awareness and intuition,

intuition is knowing, Without knowing self, there is no Ground of Being.

How does one become aware of distraction,,,,,if one is not connected to the

Ground of Being in the first place?

I also know that a lot of people are new to this, That some discussions are

not understood because they do not have the basic understanding of the

body, the chakras, the energy flows, the aura......One can not just jump in

and BE THERE<,,,,,,,it is a process ....not a path,,,,,,,Meditation is also

a process,,,,,,,first we can't,,,,then we can,,,,,,,,it takes time,

everyone thinks it is something that comes over night and that is not true,

IT can take years of meditating and working through the process to reach

teh first encounter or experience of reaching the IAM, Staying there is

another process that takes time ,,,,,,,,That is one reason that mail lists

lose their focus,,,,because the members involved are not familiar with the

process or understand it,

I am not saying they are stupid or not intelligent,,,,,jut not familiar,

Everyone wants to be, so few are, Those that are insulted by that,,,, are not,

We have to teach and learn from each other,,,,,and we have to share from

the heart center........We are all beginners on the path, everyday brings

new insights and new discoveries, No one "IS THERE" Intellectually , maybe,

but not in practise ,,,,,,,

We can not ever forget that there are those that need a helping hand,,,,,

we can't ever forget to reach out our own hand to others for help........

spirituality is not about who knows the most, but it is the way we support

each other, show compassion, encouragement and try to keep a focus...

Morality Warriors, and more get hung

on up on the psychic....and there they stay.. Those are off shoots to

awakening , and are not the end all or be all of it. They do offer alot of

confusion and awe.....People like awe.....people like to be

different,,,,they like to be noticed, they like the attention and they like

their five minutes of fame, So if they can make a statement without

talking,,,,then they do that also,By the way they dress, by the way they

comb or shave their hair, its all a cry for attention,,,to feel important,

to build their self esteem,

Some are so busy talking about spirituality and growth, they have no time

to grow, Those that say the most, do the least,,,,,thats where simplicity


""Simplicity leaves life time to be lived,,,Life is what happens while you

are busy making plans.""

Boy was that a way to change the subject,,,so let me think a sec,,,,,oh ya,

chastity and celibacy,,,,make life alot hassels,,,,no


no unnessessary attachments...

Teaching is not a negative thing,,,,there can be alot of learning to be

done by the teaching,,,,,if one is open to feedback and open to being

aware of what there is to learn..One of the problems with a set path or

process, is just that,,,,,a stalemate,,,limited and restrictive...Two ways

to teach,- what we are taught and what we know(experienced) What we are

taught is mundane,,and never changing,,,

what we experience is constant movement of energy , never getting stale and

always new, always now. What we learn today from experience is not what we

will learn tomorrow,,,Learning is limitless,,,painful, exciting,,emotional,

full of joy and laughter, Learning is infinite,,,,until we learn and share

the infinite we can only teach with words which are limited,,,,Combine

both ,,,,,experience as you teach,,,,teach what you experience...true

knowledge is never ending,,,I know I had a peek,

Are the words I am hearing stemmed from fear? A fear of losing who we are

to become someone we don't know yet? Its almost as if we are saying "Let me

remain conditoned because I am afraid not to be?" A fear of the unknown,?

One of my questions was always, if I am without condition, without emotion,

then how do I relate to people? Will I not be cold and self centered?

I studied and practised for years , doing meditation, exercises , ritual,

and that got my absolutely no where , I got frustrated and angry because I

got no where, I think I may have played at awakening for about 15 years,,,

talk about a waste of time. Hindsight being 20/20. All I got was more

conditioning,. I could talk about it , sort of, but I could never walk it.

Everything I wanted was lost in the fear of losing myself, and those around

me, One foot in the water and one on the dock, Little spots of bliss in

meditation or when I was focused on something else. I wanted and still do

want this on a steady basis.

Stepped into the void, crashed and burned, rebuilding as we speak, and yet

I feel as if I have to do that again, I still feel that there is a hurdle

I am stumbling over to gain that total awareness, And I am to blind to see

it. It's there, I am aware of it, but its just this glob of blackness that

blocks me. I can see the light around it, that eminates from behind but

what is the move I have to make to get through it? What is holding me back

but fear? What is it that I am afraid of letting go this time?

And why am I am feeling anger towards myself for being so blind ? Am I

trying to hard to see, what it is instead of focusing on what is?

Analytical thought and discussion is just another form of our

conditioned thinking translating for us, To understand a quote or saying,

one must feel it, experience it or only guess the true meaning. That is why

there is room for discussion, each one translates it into intelligence

rather than by intuitively knowing. Leaving us stumbling to use a

language of words to exlain something that can only be felt into that which

is intelligent. That is why children are such good teachers, they have not

been conditioned by society yet, so they find no need for intelligence,

tact,or translation:; they are all Zen masters. As are all of those that

can not be taught or swayed. Therein lies the difference between the wise

man and the fool. Which one is which?

To solidify the foundation of your being,,,,seems pretty heavy,

pretty solid, unmoveable, and quite restricting in movement or growth.

On a personal level here for a moment: My second husband did the drug

thing, LSD, looking for what I am not sure,,,,,but he found it, he reached

teh point where he was litterally at one with all that was, As he came

down, he spoke of having to put himself back together as in dressing

himself with ego, personality etc and put it in terms of being like putting

on a pair of shitty pants, After this experience he lost his center,His

knowledge of who he was, this experience threw him into anxiety attacks,

and a sense of fear that he is living with today, He is still having a hard

time trying to solidify. He is at the point still, that his home, his

house, is literally the only place he feels secure, He can not even enjoy a

vacation for more than a day, without the need to go back to that center,

He allowed it to run his life, He seeks for that freedom, to grow, to learn

and experience the truth, but he is forced to maintain that safe

footing,,,his foundation, it is through this fear, that he can not allow

himself to live. He yearns for freedom, but can not allow himself to find

it, He is angry at himself but blames others for that anger, he is fearful

and untrusting,and blames others for that fear,,,,, Is this where you are

at also? Do you need to hang on to the foundation out of fear of letting it

go? Do you need to feel or believe something solid to feel safe?

Our observations are just

that-observations,,,,,made by conditioned viewing...... and understanding

of what we can see only by the naked eye and heard by the naked ear. We

can't see or hear what was before or what lead up to, all we see and hear

is what is ,,,unless we can look and listen with the eyes and ears of

awareness,and understanding, To look and listen to what is beyond being

said or done.

So many jump to conclusion with what they precieve to be seen or heard as

truth, The old saying" Believe none of what you hear and only half of what

you see,".. Alot of our understanding is based on conditioned responses as

well. Our experience is swayed by our reactions, if we can hold off

reacting and respond through awareness, then more than half what we

experience would take a different slant, understanding or direction.

Life is illusion, we are an illusion,,,, our experiences therefore are

illusion,,,,,,, when we are disillusioned with thoughts,emotions,thinking,

looking,hearing,listening with and in life, then we have no other path than

to go within for answers and truth. Then the path becomes a process, a

process of working through and with the conditoned parts of our being, this

comes from being aware of the experience as it is happening, being aware of

our responses as they happen, not becoming them or hanging on to them, just

experiencing them as they relate to the moment that is.

Being in the moment that is, allows us all to be Zen Masters,,,,,,,so that

is no big deal either, just another label to make us feel

inferior........and signs off now before going off on yet another


AH ! the fear. I can relate to this. The fear of finding out all you

have learned, all you have felt, all you long for is redunant. All you have

deemed as important, has abolutely no bearing towards quality of life.

Fear of the state of being nothing, reduced to a mere shell of a body.

Fear of finding the void, hitting an emotional bottom. fear of letting go

of what you call your individuality, fear of losing what we have come to

know as ourselves. Fear of losing our values, our indentification.

At one time, I was ready to shoot you at the drop of a hat. I was

angry at you for making me look in places that I didn't want to look.

And I kept coming back for more. I began to think of my self as finding

pleasure in the pain, and in one sense I did. For every spark of anger, I

found a piece of truth, there is nothing better than discovery, after the

pain. Serenity is what is left after you work through the pain.

I like the saying" When I gave up hope, I began to feel better"

I celebrate your feelings of antagonism between you and the you within.

There is much to be said about mental masterbation, it makes us feel good

and gives us pleasure, but what happens after the pleasure is gone? We look

outside ourselves for mutual mental masterbation with another.If we don't

find someone willing to participate we get angry. And even if we do find a

partner , we get angry if they don't do it the way we want or like. If we

don't find that pleasure as equally fullfilling we get angry. Any sort of

physical and mental satisfaction is a diversion, an escape from being alone

with ourselves. We like the body and mind to be busy so we don't have to

face the lonliness of the separation from self. The answer is always the

same. Go within.

There is no quick fix, no painless way, face the fears, face the anger.

do the work, and the rest will follow.

The difference between her and I, is that I like playing in the

dirt, The dirt just IS, no masks, no mental mind games, no pretense of

being what it is not, The dirt is always in the moment, The dirt has alot

to teach me in just being,

Sincere effort and yet non - effort. Sometimes we experience a resistance

when we try too hard, we spend so much time worring about it, wanting it,

that it can evade us- because it takes us out of the moment and into a time

that doesn't exist- either past or future,,,, The effort being non

effort.....just being, if that is understandable. Just being, is the

hardest part of all. That takes the most effort.

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